All right, I see no one paid extra for the splash zone this morning, but I feel like I should like just stand down here and preach, but no, it's good morning. My name is Kyle. I'm the student pastor here at Grace. As most of you probably know by now, the month of July, our head pastor, Nate, is actually taking a sabbatical. It's something that was afforded to him as he has spent diligent, full-time service to this church, ministering to all of us so lovingly and so well for seven years. And so he is taking some time during the month of July to refresh and recharge spiritually in all other ways, spending time relaxing with family, on vacation, all of those things. And so I'm super happy for them. I'm super excited that he's getting the opportunity to do that. And honestly, I'm really excited for us and what that means for Grace, because you know he's gonna come out of that time ready to run in August, ready to run alongside of us in August as he comes back spiritually, recharged, and re-energized. But that also means is I get to preach this morning, which is really cool. Yeah, like cool. All right. I wasn't fishing, but I am thankful for it. I will say, like, I am mostly very excited about it. We're in our series 27, and in 27, we are going through a different book of the New Testament each week. Now, the reason why I'm mostly excited is because I think that there's a small part of me that thinks that Nate might have set me up for failure for this. Because as we talked about this series, we knew that he was going to be on sabbatical. And so there were a lot of voices, a lot of people talking, discussing, hey, what should this series look like? How should we do this series? All this stuff. And one of the main things that Nate made very clear is, hey, don't worry about us going in order. We're not going to go in order all the way through the New Testament. Just choose books that you're going to love and that stand out to you in your preparation. Awesome. Thanks so much. Man, Nate's the best. He doesn't want to be holding us to a certain book. He wants us to pick the book. And then Nate decides for the first four weeks, he's going to do the first four books in order of the New Testament. So while we know in his office that he has decided we don't have to go in order, now you guys are coming ready for an Acts sermon, and I'm hitting you with 1 Thessalonians. And not only did he set me up for failure, but he also knew if there's rioting in the building because I go out of the order you guys are ready for, he's gone. He's on sabbatical. He doesn't have to worry about it. So if you will, please bear with me, and please put down your, you know, whatever pickaxes that you're going to come to me because I'm breaking out of order because I am this morning going to peel off the Band-Aid and we are going to jump into the book of 1 Thessalonians. Now, one of the distinct things about the New Testament, as a lot of you guys know, 13 of the books are attributed to Paul and to Paul's ministry, the Apostle Paul. He wrote these letters to these different churches in these different areas, and they were all named after the areas in the people that he's writing to. And those are, and they're all written by Paul. And so for a lot of this series, we're going to be bringing up this guy named Paul, the Apostle Paul. Now, the thing about Paul, he was not a big fan of Christians. He persecuted them. He wanted to kill them. He thought like, hey, like get rid of this ideology of Christianity that you think exists because this is not, this is not it. You're wrong. You're completely wrong. I'm not having it. Until God kind of hit him literally in just this, he blinded him. I don't know what else to say. I don't really know what word I was searching for, but he blinded him and sent a Christian to go spend some time with Paul, teach Paul the truth, and then literally God opened Paul's eyes, both literally and figuratively, to the gospel that, hey, Paul, you're right that I am God, but you're wrong about who Christ is. This Jesus who came and lived, came and lived because I sent him as my son from heaven to earth to live a perfect life and to die a death signifying the death of all sins of the people who believe him. And he was resurrected from the dead, just as you've heard people tell. And that resurrection signifies that all those people who would believe in him and believe in Jesus as king and trust him as their Lord and Savior, that they are raised to life as well. That when God looks at them, they don't see the imperfections of their lives and of their walks in their life, but they see the perfection of Christ and the holiness of Christ because they have entrusted Jesus as their Lord and Savior. And once the Lord told Paul that, Paul's life was then about one thing and one thing only, the gospel of Jesus Christ. Everything that Paul did, when you read about his ministry and acts, when you read about his ministry and read his writings to each of these different churches as we're gonna go through, he has one goal and one goal only, and that Paul's ultimate goal was to share the gospel to all people and call them to repent and live a life reflective of that gospel. It's the only thing that he cared about. I want to make sure everyone I come in contact with knows who Jesus is, and I want to make sure everyone that I encounter not only knows who he is, but will give their hearts to that Christ and give their lives to the ministry of that Jesus, just as I have. And that's a lot of what 1 Thessalonians is. That's the goal of 1 Thessalonians is Paul writing to the people in the church of Thessalonica, some as reminding himself and just reminiscing on his time there, some to say, hey, like I'm so excited that this is taken, and some to say, hey, continue and press on. That is the goal of this. But as I was going through each one of his letters, as I was going through each book in the New Testament, man, what really jumped out to me about 1 Thessalonians is outside of clearly this being the goal, as it so often is in Paul's writing, I think that he just gives a really, really excellent description of exactly what that looks like. I think that's super valuable, because I don't, if you're like me, there's times where I hear sermons, or there's times where I'm reading through Scripture, and it is abundantly clear what Scripture would have me do. It's abundantly clear, okay, yes, I do love God. Yes, I know that I should go and tell more people about Jesus. Yes, I know I should minister to these people. I know I should make disciples. I should do all of those things. But sometimes I feel like it's a lot harder through Scripture to find, okay, so what exactly does that look like? And I think we find a pretty excellent description of what it looks like when we read the book of 1 Thessalonians. And so before we jump in, I want to give you a little background, a little history. So Paul and one of his ministry partners named Silas, you can find in the book of Acts, Acts 17, where they spent some time in Thessalonica. They go and join their community and start preaching the gospel, telling people who Jesus is, telling people, hey, this Jesus who came and walked on earth died for you so that you could have eternal life, so that you could have this eternal relationship with God the Father, all this stuff. And boy, was it effective. I mean, as they were preaching the gospel, the Lord was just taking hold of the hearts of the people in Thessalonica. And man, I mean, there was, it was like wildfire the gospel was spreading in the area. And it's incredible to read about. It's incredible to see. I mean, literally, it's like, it's like, you know, one of those church revivals where you see the Lord clearly moving. But in this case, it wasn't necessarily a revival because these people are coming alive for the first time. This entire city is hearing the gospel of Jesus Christ for the first time. And so it would be more of just a vival, I guess. They're becoming alive for the first time. I don't know. I don't know words like that, but that seems right. But it's incredible to read about how the Lord was moving, but then that brought some consequences as well because there were still Jewish people in the area who, like Paul was prior, was not happy about Jesus taking over, wasn't happy to hear that there were these two guys that were spreading these claims that they felt to be inaccurate, and so they started persecuting the people and kind of looked like seeking out Paul and Silas to the point that the Christians felt, the Christians and Paul and Silas all felt so distinctly worried that they ended up smuggling them out of the city at night one night because they were like, hey, if they find you, I think they might kill you. And so it is best for you and it's best for everybody if you can go ahead and leave, if we can get you out. And so they got out, they got out safely, and they got out knowing, hey, we know that a lot of people love Christ and give themselves to Christ, but man, Paul is really pretty downtrodden about the fact that he had to leave. As you read in 1 Thessalonians, there's a bit, especially on the early part of 1 Thessalonians, where he's really upset. It kind of takes on this flavor of, some of you guys probably know this, when you were a kid and your parents let you know that one of them got a new job in a new town or a new city and you were going to have to move, which meant, hey, all of these relationships that you've built, all of these friends that you have that you dearly love, you're not going to be able to see them much anymore, and you don't really have much say in that matter. You're just not going to get the amount of time that you hope to get with these people that you love. And that's kind of how Paul starts off this writing, just kind of really sad and really upset about the fact that he was having to be pulled out of this place with these people who he had really grown to love and adore. Not only that, but he got to see the way that Christ had begun moving in that place, and that excited him, but he just, he almost felt like he was leaving them when they needed him most to really learn, and to really learn from him and imitate him what ministering to other people looked like, and establishing roots where they had built a foundation of Christ. And so he just kind of felt like he got the short end of the stick on that and was really upset. So what he did is he sent another ministry partner named Timothy to go check in on him. Timothy, go spend some time with these people. First and foremost, let them know that I am praying for them every day. I pray that the Lord is continuing to move in their hearts, move in their lives, move in their city. But man, I also just pray that soon enough I get to come and see them again, to see my friends, the people that I love so much, once more. Let them know that, please, and spend some time with them. See how they're doing. See how the church is doing. See if the gospel is continuing to move, and report back to me. And so he does. He goes, he finds out, and he comes back. And the response is really positive. It's really good and exciting news that while obviously there's still issues going on in Thessalonica, but the gospel has just absolutely taken off. Where a foundation was set and where Paul had ministered to these people and showed them Christ, they were building upon that foundation and continuing daily to bring more and more people into the faith under Christ. And not only that, but it was moving outside of the city walls as well. I learned actually in researching that Thessalonica, how it is set up, it's actually kind of a, it's a trade town. So a lot of people in the rest of Macedonia and all over those nations, and also in the Roman Empire, all congregate to Thessalonica to do trading. And so while there is this there's this vival happening amongst the Thessalonians, as the gospel is traveling and hitting and encouraging so many people in this city, it is also moving outside of those city walls because as people are coming in for trade consistently, those people that are there are spreading the gospel to them as well. I actually read in a William Barclay commentary. This is really cool and really interesting. He basically said that you cannot understate, you cannot downplay how important the Christianity expanding outside of Thessalonica was for Christianity becoming a world religion. That's how important Christ taking over the hearts of the people in Thessalonica was. One of the main reasons why Christianity spread worldwide. And so you can imagine how Paul wrote to these people in response to this. First Thessalonians is in response to Timothy coming and telling him this unbelievable news. And as you can imagine, he writes just completely joyful and absolutely elated, which we've been there too, right? You've got, I mean, a lot of you guys are parents. You've raised kids that are still alive, which is like unbelievable to me, but good job for y'all. But you have kids and you have people in your life that you love and that you invest so much time and energy in. And so when you see them do well, when you see them do the thing that you helped them be able to do, get to that next step, get to that next point in life, when you see them come to know Jesus Christ for the first time, there's nothing better, right? There's nothing better, one, because somebody that you love is doing well. But two, there's just a pride in knowing that, hey, I had some small part to play in people doing well. But two, there's just a pride in knowing that, hey, I had some small part to play in people doing well, people getting to know Christ, Christ being shed and spread, Christ being spread through the nation and into other nations. And so that's how he writes. He reminisces on his time there spent with these people, building relationships, growing to love them, being a part of the culture, being a part of the community, and sharing the gospel through them, saying, hey, like, I'm so happy that I was able to minister to you in this way, and I'm even happier that the Lord is moving now, and that you guys are imitating the way that I ministered to you guys, and now you're ministering to other people in the same way, and it's effective, and I am so happy to hear it, and I think what that does is it opens up the door to asking a question. The question is, how did Paul minister to the people in Thessalonica? Okay, this is awesome. Paul ministered to these people. So many of them started giving their hearts and giving their lives to Jesus, and now they're doing the same thing that he did, and it's continuing to work incredibly well. And I think that 1 Thessalonians does an excellent job of telling us exactly what. And so as you go through, I think the whole book does a good job of sharing that, of sharing that directive, of giving, of saying, hey, this is exactly how it was done. I think in particular, chapter 2, verses 5 through 8, does a really excellent job as to making something that seems a little bit inaccessible very accessible, not only for the people in Thessalonica, but I think for the people in this room. It's a very doable strategy of ministering to people that we can emulate. And so we're actually going to start, we're going to start in verse 7, and then we're going to go backwards, because as we've established, I'm not going in order. So if you will, please just read with me verses 7 and 8. Let me read that one more time. So being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God, but also our own selves because you have become very dear to us. We came and we brought you the gospel, but we brought you so much more than that. We brought you our whole selves. We gave you ourselves. I think it's a pretty excellent summation to say that Paul ministered gently and sacrificially through genuine relational love. He didn't share the gospel from a distance. It's not some guy who rolls up into this community during the day, sets up a pulpit, and preaches throughout the day, sharing the gospel, and then goes back to his place away from everybody afterwards. He immersed himself into this community. He built relationships with these people. He chose to serve them and love them well and intently. He goes after them, becomes a part of them, and builds through relational love these relationships and these friendships with these people so that they know without a shadow of a doubt that this person cares about me, that I am loved by this person. What's he doing? He's showing the love of Christ to these people so that he can share with them the gospel of who Jesus is, and they're going to be willing to hear it. I think what he realized is that we should strive to present the truth of Christ through imitating the love of Christ. We hear a lot about what it looks like to share the gospel, and I get a ton of questions about how am I supposed to do that. Like, I don't really think I'm meant to be Paul and go with a couple guys to different nations and different cities and preach to them until I'm thrown in prison and then write letters to them. But clearly what Paul is saying here, because Paul echoes a lot in his time and in his writing, I am ministering to you in this way and I am calling you to imitate and minister to other people in this way. How am I calling you to share the gospel? The same way that I'm sharing the gospel with you. I'm coming, and I'm going to be a part of your lives. I'm going to build friendships, and I'm going to love you well. I'm going to love you out of the love of Christ that I have received from Christ, and through that, through me loving you like Christ, I am going to share the truth of Christ with you in a way that is impactful, in a way that is meaningful, and in a way that you are going to be willing to hear from me because you know that I only genuinely care about you. He actually goes a little bit deeper in verses five and six. And so, hey, like, we're disciples of God. We could have come in and told you, hey, these are the things that you need to know. These are the things that you need to do. These are the things that you need to figure out so that you can be saved. But instead, he said, hey, that's not, that wasn't our goal. Our goal wasn't to share the gospel in this impersonal, in this formal, impersonal way. It was to share the gospel as personally as possible. Now, the wording of the greed part, I want to go dive into that a little bit, because as I kind of told you, he's a little bit repetitive with the things that he says throughout, and I think that is probably because they're important. Paul thought it was very, very meaningful and a very useful tool of ministry to, when he went into Thessalonica, not to establish a church and be the head of that church, not to be a guy who, what he did is, hey, I'm bringing you the gospel. I'm kind of going to be the minister here, and so please pay me, bring me food, give me shelter, so that I can bring this good news to you. Instead, Paul talks pretty distinctly about that he got a job in Thessalonica as soon as he got there, because he wanted to work amongst the people. He wanted the people in Thessalonica to know, hey, I care only's awesome that you're doing ministry and that that's your full-time job, but he's kind of saying all of you guys, y'all are doing it the way that he would do it. Y'all are doing it the way that he's calling here. That's how, I think that's ultimately maybe the thing that stuck out most to me in this is this is a message for the people of the church that aren't working in the church. I have to work hard to make sure I don't do that. I have to go out of my way to make sure that my students know that, hey, I'm going to minister to you and I'm going to love you while you're in this building, but I'm also going to go outside of these walls to make sure I'm a part of your lives, ministering to you, getting to know you so that you know without a shadow of a doubt that, yes, sure, this is Kyle's job to do this, but the only reason he's actually doing it is because he loves me, and he wants me to know the gospel. But you guys aren't beholden to those things, and I think that what Paul is saying is, y'all are doing it right. That's the way that he would call us to minister. And what I think he realized is that there is a purity of intention when you have nothing to gain from the people you are specifically loving and pouring into. How pure is your motivation when as you're building relationships and as you're building upon foundations of relationships, when you're loving people well, going out of your way to serve people, that you're asking of nothing in return, to where they know that you're only doing that because you care about them, just in the same way that you know that the only reason you're doing that is because, hey, the Lord loves this person, and so do I, regardless of who they are. And I think what I love about this is that this is a message that I, like, this is something that I see people in this church do really well. I think this is certainly something to be like, yes, I need to do this, whatever, but like, I see this all over, all over the place in this church. I got a buddy, Preston, that comes to the church that he's maybe one of the best possible, like, friend makers that I've ever met. Like, when I watch him in conversation, I'm just like, gosh, man, like, that dude genuinely cares about everything that everyone says to him. I don't know if that's true or not. I don't know if he's just trying to be like Jesus or whatever, or if he's just, well, you know, like, I don't know what it is, but I'm just so taken aback at how good he is at making people know, hey, you are my friend and I care about you. And recently we had a conversation. He said there was a guy in his office who obviously was his friend because he's been around Preston and that's what Preston does. He makes friends. And he was like, hey man, like, I just seem to notice you really care about people a lot. And you honestly seem to be a lot more content than I am with life. You don't seem to get quite as upset about stuff. You love people well. And I just kind of want to know what's your secret. I want to be more like that. I want to understand how to do that better. That opened up the door for Preston to be able to tell him about Jesus. That door doesn't get opened if Preston is just trying to give him the gospel but not give him any part of himself. But Preston gave of himself, built this relational foundation that that guy wanted to ask Preston that question. I think about my buddy Logan, another guy who comes to the church. He, two of his best friends are two people he served in the Navy with. Neither one are believers, actually. But Logan has loved them well and has built that friendship to a point that he's able to share the gospel with them, and they're not going to be turned off. They're willing to listen. Not only that, but they love him so much that they want to support him in whatever the way they can. So he's actually, he hosts every other Monday night, he hosts this film watching group where the point of it is to watch this film and then talk about how it relates to the gospel. And guess who's on Zoom every single week from all over the nation? Those two guys. They want to be a part. They want to talk about film, and they listen. They get to hear about the gospel every other week on Monday night where outside of that, they don't hear it at all because they have a friend that they love and want to support a cool thing that he's doing. They hear the gospel because Logan has loved them and has loved them well and has built that relationship to that point. My wife, Ashlyn, she rules. I don't know if I've seen more tears than watching her go from two offices, one in Garner and one in Cary, to just being in Cary. The people in that Garner office, there were just so many tears because Ashlyn is the friend on staff, on staff with those people who's going to always consistently love them well and encourage them, point them back to Jesus and be a light in their life. You don't know how effective you are at that until you leave and you find out that the response is everyone being so upset. She had a mom say, hey, I know we live in Garner, but we're going to be there in Cary. I can't stop crying. My daughter genuinely says that Miss Ashlyn is her best friend. We're going to stick with you. That happens because Ashlyn loves very well. She's got a person in the office who just, in the carry office, who just experienced a tragedy and reached out to everybody, said, hey, this happened. Please don't ask me about it. I'm not ready to talk. A week later, guess who's, guess who walked in, whose door she walked in because she wanted to talk? Ashlyn. Because Ashlyn, she knows that Ashlyn loves her well and is going to point her to Jesus and point her towards the light. And finally, I look at, I look at Karen and Chris. I know Chris isn't used to being praised on a Sunday morning, but since Nate's gone, we're just gonna, we're gonna break all the, we're gonna break all the molds here. But I mean, their, their youngest daughter is my age, graduated in 2011, and they right now have decided, you know what, we're tired of having all this stuff, we want to have somebody come and live with us. They have somebody from, a soccer player from South Africa currently living with them, a college student, which like, I don't know, can't be like insanely fun, and't be insanely easy. I mean like super nice dude, but like, you know, they've been living with a lot of freedom for a long time by themselves. And so they're just hosting kids over at their house all the time, college students, just college dudes, just rolling up, soccer players, probably acting a fool. I don't know. I'm just kidding. Definitely not acting a fool. I know you're not, bro. But I mean, how easy is it? How easy would it have been for Karen and Chris to love them well by supplying them with Chick-fil-A coupons so they feel like they have some other food? To bring them some candy, bring them some extra clothes, whatever, and just check in on them every once in a while. But what they recognize and what they realize, in the same way that Paul knew was incredibly important, is if I want to truly impact the people that are around me, then I need to truly be a part of their lives. I need to truly build relationships with these people built on a foundation of the love of Christ, loving them well, encouraging them well, and that is a true and ultimate way to make a gospel impact. And that is where then the door is open to truly not only share the love of Christ through your actions, but share the truth of Christ in your words, and to truly share the gospel to the people around you. And in Paul's writing, Paul kind of says the same thing. He's like, guys, I want to encourage you in this, but you're doing it really well. Actually, I want to read it because I think it's beautiful, and I think that the simple way that I want to encourage you, Grace, who does this so well, is the same way that Paul encourages the people of Thessalonica. So if you will, please, let's read verses, or 1 Thessalonians 4, 9 through 10. Now concerning brotherly love, you have no need for anyone to write to you. For you yourselves have been taught by God to love one another, be able to show and share the gospel to so many other people. So my simple question for you that I want to close on is this. Who and where can you do this more and more and continue to do it more and more? So I want to close this morning in a prayer, but I want to, it's kind of a specific prayer. Ashlyn, my wife, she wants to be as helpful as possible in my sermons, and sometimes she feels like, I gotta like, you know, she feels like she's unhelpful. I'm like, Ashlyn, you're great. Just you loving me is very helpful. But she knew kind of what I was talking about this morning, and she was reminded of a song, it's actually by Casting Crowns, throwback, called The Bridge. And this song, I think, just does an absolutely beautiful job of just giving the same encouragement and the same prayer that we pray as we try to share the love of Christ so that we can share the truth of Christ. So if you will, we're just going to pray, and I'm going to pray over us these lyrics from this song. Bow with me. With love, we earn the right to speak your truth. It's not just what we say, it's what we do. I want to be a bridge, God, that leads to you. So reach through me and let them see, Lord, let them see. Lord, let us love like this. Let us share the gospel like this. Not formal, not impersonal, but as personal and as loving as we possibly can. We love you so much. Amen.
All right, I see no one paid extra for the splash zone this morning, but I feel like I should like just stand down here and preach, but no, it's good morning. My name is Kyle. I'm the student pastor here at Grace. As most of you probably know by now, the month of July, our head pastor, Nate, is actually taking a sabbatical. It's something that was afforded to him as he has spent diligent, full-time service to this church, ministering to all of us so lovingly and so well for seven years. And so he is taking some time during the month of July to refresh and recharge spiritually in all other ways, spending time relaxing with family, on vacation, all of those things. And so I'm super happy for them. I'm super excited that he's getting the opportunity to do that. And honestly, I'm really excited for us and what that means for Grace, because you know he's gonna come out of that time ready to run in August, ready to run alongside of us in August as he comes back spiritually, recharged, and re-energized. But that also means is I get to preach this morning, which is really cool. Yeah, like cool. All right. I wasn't fishing, but I am thankful for it. I will say, like, I am mostly very excited about it. We're in our series 27, and in 27, we are going through a different book of the New Testament each week. Now, the reason why I'm mostly excited is because I think that there's a small part of me that thinks that Nate might have set me up for failure for this. Because as we talked about this series, we knew that he was going to be on sabbatical. And so there were a lot of voices, a lot of people talking, discussing, hey, what should this series look like? How should we do this series? All this stuff. And one of the main things that Nate made very clear is, hey, don't worry about us going in order. We're not going to go in order all the way through the New Testament. Just choose books that you're going to love and that stand out to you in your preparation. Awesome. Thanks so much. Man, Nate's the best. He doesn't want to be holding us to a certain book. He wants us to pick the book. And then Nate decides for the first four weeks, he's going to do the first four books in order of the New Testament. So while we know in his office that he has decided we don't have to go in order, now you guys are coming ready for an Acts sermon, and I'm hitting you with 1 Thessalonians. And not only did he set me up for failure, but he also knew if there's rioting in the building because I go out of the order you guys are ready for, he's gone. He's on sabbatical. He doesn't have to worry about it. So if you will, please bear with me, and please put down your, you know, whatever pickaxes that you're going to come to me because I'm breaking out of order because I am this morning going to peel off the Band-Aid and we are going to jump into the book of 1 Thessalonians. Now, one of the distinct things about the New Testament, as a lot of you guys know, 13 of the books are attributed to Paul and to Paul's ministry, the Apostle Paul. He wrote these letters to these different churches in these different areas, and they were all named after the areas in the people that he's writing to. And those are, and they're all written by Paul. And so for a lot of this series, we're going to be bringing up this guy named Paul, the Apostle Paul. Now, the thing about Paul, he was not a big fan of Christians. He persecuted them. He wanted to kill them. He thought like, hey, like get rid of this ideology of Christianity that you think exists because this is not, this is not it. You're wrong. You're completely wrong. I'm not having it. Until God kind of hit him literally in just this, he blinded him. I don't know what else to say. I don't really know what word I was searching for, but he blinded him and sent a Christian to go spend some time with Paul, teach Paul the truth, and then literally God opened Paul's eyes, both literally and figuratively, to the gospel that, hey, Paul, you're right that I am God, but you're wrong about who Christ is. This Jesus who came and lived, came and lived because I sent him as my son from heaven to earth to live a perfect life and to die a death signifying the death of all sins of the people who believe him. And he was resurrected from the dead, just as you've heard people tell. And that resurrection signifies that all those people who would believe in him and believe in Jesus as king and trust him as their Lord and Savior, that they are raised to life as well. That when God looks at them, they don't see the imperfections of their lives and of their walks in their life, but they see the perfection of Christ and the holiness of Christ because they have entrusted Jesus as their Lord and Savior. And once the Lord told Paul that, Paul's life was then about one thing and one thing only, the gospel of Jesus Christ. Everything that Paul did, when you read about his ministry and acts, when you read about his ministry and read his writings to each of these different churches as we're gonna go through, he has one goal and one goal only, and that Paul's ultimate goal was to share the gospel to all people and call them to repent and live a life reflective of that gospel. It's the only thing that he cared about. I want to make sure everyone I come in contact with knows who Jesus is, and I want to make sure everyone that I encounter not only knows who he is, but will give their hearts to that Christ and give their lives to the ministry of that Jesus, just as I have. And that's a lot of what 1 Thessalonians is. That's the goal of 1 Thessalonians is Paul writing to the people in the church of Thessalonica, some as reminding himself and just reminiscing on his time there, some to say, hey, like I'm so excited that this is taken, and some to say, hey, continue and press on. That is the goal of this. But as I was going through each one of his letters, as I was going through each book in the New Testament, man, what really jumped out to me about 1 Thessalonians is outside of clearly this being the goal, as it so often is in Paul's writing, I think that he just gives a really, really excellent description of exactly what that looks like. I think that's super valuable, because I don't, if you're like me, there's times where I hear sermons, or there's times where I'm reading through Scripture, and it is abundantly clear what Scripture would have me do. It's abundantly clear, okay, yes, I do love God. Yes, I know that I should go and tell more people about Jesus. Yes, I know I should minister to these people. I know I should make disciples. I should do all of those things. But sometimes I feel like it's a lot harder through Scripture to find, okay, so what exactly does that look like? And I think we find a pretty excellent description of what it looks like when we read the book of 1 Thessalonians. And so before we jump in, I want to give you a little background, a little history. So Paul and one of his ministry partners named Silas, you can find in the book of Acts, Acts 17, where they spent some time in Thessalonica. They go and join their community and start preaching the gospel, telling people who Jesus is, telling people, hey, this Jesus who came and walked on earth died for you so that you could have eternal life, so that you could have this eternal relationship with God the Father, all this stuff. And boy, was it effective. I mean, as they were preaching the gospel, the Lord was just taking hold of the hearts of the people in Thessalonica. And man, I mean, there was, it was like wildfire the gospel was spreading in the area. And it's incredible to read about. It's incredible to see. I mean, literally, it's like, it's like, you know, one of those church revivals where you see the Lord clearly moving. But in this case, it wasn't necessarily a revival because these people are coming alive for the first time. This entire city is hearing the gospel of Jesus Christ for the first time. And so it would be more of just a vival, I guess. They're becoming alive for the first time. I don't know. I don't know words like that, but that seems right. But it's incredible to read about how the Lord was moving, but then that brought some consequences as well because there were still Jewish people in the area who, like Paul was prior, was not happy about Jesus taking over, wasn't happy to hear that there were these two guys that were spreading these claims that they felt to be inaccurate, and so they started persecuting the people and kind of looked like seeking out Paul and Silas to the point that the Christians felt, the Christians and Paul and Silas all felt so distinctly worried that they ended up smuggling them out of the city at night one night because they were like, hey, if they find you, I think they might kill you. And so it is best for you and it's best for everybody if you can go ahead and leave, if we can get you out. And so they got out, they got out safely, and they got out knowing, hey, we know that a lot of people love Christ and give themselves to Christ, but man, Paul is really pretty downtrodden about the fact that he had to leave. As you read in 1 Thessalonians, there's a bit, especially on the early part of 1 Thessalonians, where he's really upset. It kind of takes on this flavor of, some of you guys probably know this, when you were a kid and your parents let you know that one of them got a new job in a new town or a new city and you were going to have to move, which meant, hey, all of these relationships that you've built, all of these friends that you have that you dearly love, you're not going to be able to see them much anymore, and you don't really have much say in that matter. You're just not going to get the amount of time that you hope to get with these people that you love. And that's kind of how Paul starts off this writing, just kind of really sad and really upset about the fact that he was having to be pulled out of this place with these people who he had really grown to love and adore. Not only that, but he got to see the way that Christ had begun moving in that place, and that excited him, but he just, he almost felt like he was leaving them when they needed him most to really learn, and to really learn from him and imitate him what ministering to other people looked like, and establishing roots where they had built a foundation of Christ. And so he just kind of felt like he got the short end of the stick on that and was really upset. So what he did is he sent another ministry partner named Timothy to go check in on him. Timothy, go spend some time with these people. First and foremost, let them know that I am praying for them every day. I pray that the Lord is continuing to move in their hearts, move in their lives, move in their city. But man, I also just pray that soon enough I get to come and see them again, to see my friends, the people that I love so much, once more. Let them know that, please, and spend some time with them. See how they're doing. See how the church is doing. See if the gospel is continuing to move, and report back to me. And so he does. He goes, he finds out, and he comes back. And the response is really positive. It's really good and exciting news that while obviously there's still issues going on in Thessalonica, but the gospel has just absolutely taken off. Where a foundation was set and where Paul had ministered to these people and showed them Christ, they were building upon that foundation and continuing daily to bring more and more people into the faith under Christ. And not only that, but it was moving outside of the city walls as well. I learned actually in researching that Thessalonica, how it is set up, it's actually kind of a, it's a trade town. So a lot of people in the rest of Macedonia and all over those nations, and also in the Roman Empire, all congregate to Thessalonica to do trading. And so while there is this there's this vival happening amongst the Thessalonians, as the gospel is traveling and hitting and encouraging so many people in this city, it is also moving outside of those city walls because as people are coming in for trade consistently, those people that are there are spreading the gospel to them as well. I actually read in a William Barclay commentary. This is really cool and really interesting. He basically said that you cannot understate, you cannot downplay how important the Christianity expanding outside of Thessalonica was for Christianity becoming a world religion. That's how important Christ taking over the hearts of the people in Thessalonica was. One of the main reasons why Christianity spread worldwide. And so you can imagine how Paul wrote to these people in response to this. First Thessalonians is in response to Timothy coming and telling him this unbelievable news. And as you can imagine, he writes just completely joyful and absolutely elated, which we've been there too, right? You've got, I mean, a lot of you guys are parents. You've raised kids that are still alive, which is like unbelievable to me, but good job for y'all. But you have kids and you have people in your life that you love and that you invest so much time and energy in. And so when you see them do well, when you see them do the thing that you helped them be able to do, get to that next step, get to that next point in life, when you see them come to know Jesus Christ for the first time, there's nothing better, right? There's nothing better, one, because somebody that you love is doing well. But two, there's just a pride in knowing that, hey, I had some small part to play in people doing well. But two, there's just a pride in knowing that, hey, I had some small part to play in people doing well, people getting to know Christ, Christ being shed and spread, Christ being spread through the nation and into other nations. And so that's how he writes. He reminisces on his time there spent with these people, building relationships, growing to love them, being a part of the culture, being a part of the community, and sharing the gospel through them, saying, hey, like, I'm so happy that I was able to minister to you in this way, and I'm even happier that the Lord is moving now, and that you guys are imitating the way that I ministered to you guys, and now you're ministering to other people in the same way, and it's effective, and I am so happy to hear it, and I think what that does is it opens up the door to asking a question. The question is, how did Paul minister to the people in Thessalonica? Okay, this is awesome. Paul ministered to these people. So many of them started giving their hearts and giving their lives to Jesus, and now they're doing the same thing that he did, and it's continuing to work incredibly well. And I think that 1 Thessalonians does an excellent job of telling us exactly what. And so as you go through, I think the whole book does a good job of sharing that, of sharing that directive, of giving, of saying, hey, this is exactly how it was done. I think in particular, chapter 2, verses 5 through 8, does a really excellent job as to making something that seems a little bit inaccessible very accessible, not only for the people in Thessalonica, but I think for the people in this room. It's a very doable strategy of ministering to people that we can emulate. And so we're actually going to start, we're going to start in verse 7, and then we're going to go backwards, because as we've established, I'm not going in order. So if you will, please just read with me verses 7 and 8. Let me read that one more time. So being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God, but also our own selves because you have become very dear to us. We came and we brought you the gospel, but we brought you so much more than that. We brought you our whole selves. We gave you ourselves. I think it's a pretty excellent summation to say that Paul ministered gently and sacrificially through genuine relational love. He didn't share the gospel from a distance. It's not some guy who rolls up into this community during the day, sets up a pulpit, and preaches throughout the day, sharing the gospel, and then goes back to his place away from everybody afterwards. He immersed himself into this community. He built relationships with these people. He chose to serve them and love them well and intently. He goes after them, becomes a part of them, and builds through relational love these relationships and these friendships with these people so that they know without a shadow of a doubt that this person cares about me, that I am loved by this person. What's he doing? He's showing the love of Christ to these people so that he can share with them the gospel of who Jesus is, and they're going to be willing to hear it. I think what he realized is that we should strive to present the truth of Christ through imitating the love of Christ. We hear a lot about what it looks like to share the gospel, and I get a ton of questions about how am I supposed to do that. Like, I don't really think I'm meant to be Paul and go with a couple guys to different nations and different cities and preach to them until I'm thrown in prison and then write letters to them. But clearly what Paul is saying here, because Paul echoes a lot in his time and in his writing, I am ministering to you in this way and I am calling you to imitate and minister to other people in this way. How am I calling you to share the gospel? The same way that I'm sharing the gospel with you. I'm coming, and I'm going to be a part of your lives. I'm going to build friendships, and I'm going to love you well. I'm going to love you out of the love of Christ that I have received from Christ, and through that, through me loving you like Christ, I am going to share the truth of Christ with you in a way that is impactful, in a way that is meaningful, and in a way that you are going to be willing to hear from me because you know that I only genuinely care about you. He actually goes a little bit deeper in verses five and six. And so, hey, like, we're disciples of God. We could have come in and told you, hey, these are the things that you need to know. These are the things that you need to do. These are the things that you need to figure out so that you can be saved. But instead, he said, hey, that's not, that wasn't our goal. Our goal wasn't to share the gospel in this impersonal, in this formal, impersonal way. It was to share the gospel as personally as possible. Now, the wording of the greed part, I want to go dive into that a little bit, because as I kind of told you, he's a little bit repetitive with the things that he says throughout, and I think that is probably because they're important. Paul thought it was very, very meaningful and a very useful tool of ministry to, when he went into Thessalonica, not to establish a church and be the head of that church, not to be a guy who, what he did is, hey, I'm bringing you the gospel. I'm kind of going to be the minister here, and so please pay me, bring me food, give me shelter, so that I can bring this good news to you. Instead, Paul talks pretty distinctly about that he got a job in Thessalonica as soon as he got there, because he wanted to work amongst the people. He wanted the people in Thessalonica to know, hey, I care only's awesome that you're doing ministry and that that's your full-time job, but he's kind of saying all of you guys, y'all are doing it the way that he would do it. Y'all are doing it the way that he's calling here. That's how, I think that's ultimately maybe the thing that stuck out most to me in this is this is a message for the people of the church that aren't working in the church. I have to work hard to make sure I don't do that. I have to go out of my way to make sure that my students know that, hey, I'm going to minister to you and I'm going to love you while you're in this building, but I'm also going to go outside of these walls to make sure I'm a part of your lives, ministering to you, getting to know you so that you know without a shadow of a doubt that, yes, sure, this is Kyle's job to do this, but the only reason he's actually doing it is because he loves me, and he wants me to know the gospel. But you guys aren't beholden to those things, and I think that what Paul is saying is, y'all are doing it right. That's the way that he would call us to minister. And what I think he realized is that there is a purity of intention when you have nothing to gain from the people you are specifically loving and pouring into. How pure is your motivation when as you're building relationships and as you're building upon foundations of relationships, when you're loving people well, going out of your way to serve people, that you're asking of nothing in return, to where they know that you're only doing that because you care about them, just in the same way that you know that the only reason you're doing that is because, hey, the Lord loves this person, and so do I, regardless of who they are. And I think what I love about this is that this is a message that I, like, this is something that I see people in this church do really well. I think this is certainly something to be like, yes, I need to do this, whatever, but like, I see this all over, all over the place in this church. I got a buddy, Preston, that comes to the church that he's maybe one of the best possible, like, friend makers that I've ever met. Like, when I watch him in conversation, I'm just like, gosh, man, like, that dude genuinely cares about everything that everyone says to him. I don't know if that's true or not. I don't know if he's just trying to be like Jesus or whatever, or if he's just, well, you know, like, I don't know what it is, but I'm just so taken aback at how good he is at making people know, hey, you are my friend and I care about you. And recently we had a conversation. He said there was a guy in his office who obviously was his friend because he's been around Preston and that's what Preston does. He makes friends. And he was like, hey man, like, I just seem to notice you really care about people a lot. And you honestly seem to be a lot more content than I am with life. You don't seem to get quite as upset about stuff. You love people well. And I just kind of want to know what's your secret. I want to be more like that. I want to understand how to do that better. That opened up the door for Preston to be able to tell him about Jesus. That door doesn't get opened if Preston is just trying to give him the gospel but not give him any part of himself. But Preston gave of himself, built this relational foundation that that guy wanted to ask Preston that question. I think about my buddy Logan, another guy who comes to the church. He, two of his best friends are two people he served in the Navy with. Neither one are believers, actually. But Logan has loved them well and has built that friendship to a point that he's able to share the gospel with them, and they're not going to be turned off. They're willing to listen. Not only that, but they love him so much that they want to support him in whatever the way they can. So he's actually, he hosts every other Monday night, he hosts this film watching group where the point of it is to watch this film and then talk about how it relates to the gospel. And guess who's on Zoom every single week from all over the nation? Those two guys. They want to be a part. They want to talk about film, and they listen. They get to hear about the gospel every other week on Monday night where outside of that, they don't hear it at all because they have a friend that they love and want to support a cool thing that he's doing. They hear the gospel because Logan has loved them and has loved them well and has built that relationship to that point. My wife, Ashlyn, she rules. I don't know if I've seen more tears than watching her go from two offices, one in Garner and one in Cary, to just being in Cary. The people in that Garner office, there were just so many tears because Ashlyn is the friend on staff, on staff with those people who's going to always consistently love them well and encourage them, point them back to Jesus and be a light in their life. You don't know how effective you are at that until you leave and you find out that the response is everyone being so upset. She had a mom say, hey, I know we live in Garner, but we're going to be there in Cary. I can't stop crying. My daughter genuinely says that Miss Ashlyn is her best friend. We're going to stick with you. That happens because Ashlyn loves very well. She's got a person in the office who just, in the carry office, who just experienced a tragedy and reached out to everybody, said, hey, this happened. Please don't ask me about it. I'm not ready to talk. A week later, guess who's, guess who walked in, whose door she walked in because she wanted to talk? Ashlyn. Because Ashlyn, she knows that Ashlyn loves her well and is going to point her to Jesus and point her towards the light. And finally, I look at, I look at Karen and Chris. I know Chris isn't used to being praised on a Sunday morning, but since Nate's gone, we're just gonna, we're gonna break all the, we're gonna break all the molds here. But I mean, their, their youngest daughter is my age, graduated in 2011, and they right now have decided, you know what, we're tired of having all this stuff, we want to have somebody come and live with us. They have somebody from, a soccer player from South Africa currently living with them, a college student, which like, I don't know, can't be like insanely fun, and't be insanely easy. I mean like super nice dude, but like, you know, they've been living with a lot of freedom for a long time by themselves. And so they're just hosting kids over at their house all the time, college students, just college dudes, just rolling up, soccer players, probably acting a fool. I don't know. I'm just kidding. Definitely not acting a fool. I know you're not, bro. But I mean, how easy is it? How easy would it have been for Karen and Chris to love them well by supplying them with Chick-fil-A coupons so they feel like they have some other food? To bring them some candy, bring them some extra clothes, whatever, and just check in on them every once in a while. But what they recognize and what they realize, in the same way that Paul knew was incredibly important, is if I want to truly impact the people that are around me, then I need to truly be a part of their lives. I need to truly build relationships with these people built on a foundation of the love of Christ, loving them well, encouraging them well, and that is a true and ultimate way to make a gospel impact. And that is where then the door is open to truly not only share the love of Christ through your actions, but share the truth of Christ in your words, and to truly share the gospel to the people around you. And in Paul's writing, Paul kind of says the same thing. He's like, guys, I want to encourage you in this, but you're doing it really well. Actually, I want to read it because I think it's beautiful, and I think that the simple way that I want to encourage you, Grace, who does this so well, is the same way that Paul encourages the people of Thessalonica. So if you will, please, let's read verses, or 1 Thessalonians 4, 9 through 10. Now concerning brotherly love, you have no need for anyone to write to you. For you yourselves have been taught by God to love one another, be able to show and share the gospel to so many other people. So my simple question for you that I want to close on is this. Who and where can you do this more and more and continue to do it more and more? So I want to close this morning in a prayer, but I want to, it's kind of a specific prayer. Ashlyn, my wife, she wants to be as helpful as possible in my sermons, and sometimes she feels like, I gotta like, you know, she feels like she's unhelpful. I'm like, Ashlyn, you're great. Just you loving me is very helpful. But she knew kind of what I was talking about this morning, and she was reminded of a song, it's actually by Casting Crowns, throwback, called The Bridge. And this song, I think, just does an absolutely beautiful job of just giving the same encouragement and the same prayer that we pray as we try to share the love of Christ so that we can share the truth of Christ. So if you will, we're just going to pray, and I'm going to pray over us these lyrics from this song. Bow with me. With love, we earn the right to speak your truth. It's not just what we say, it's what we do. I want to be a bridge, God, that leads to you. So reach through me and let them see, Lord, let them see. Lord, let us love like this. Let us share the gospel like this. Not formal, not impersonal, but as personal and as loving as we possibly can. We love you so much. Amen.
11 years ago, I revealed to my wife that I had been having an affair for a year and a half. She calmly responded, I love you. We can make it through this. Today we're going to be talking about marriage. My name is Steve Goldberg. I'm the worship pastor here at Grace Raleigh, and it's an honor to bring the third message in our series, I Want a Better Life, entitled I Want a Better Marriage. For those of you who are first-time guests with us today, or maybe you're not familiar with my story. Surprise! In addition to being the worship pastor here at Grace, my wife and I also started a non-profit called Side-by-Side Ministry about five years ago, where we share our testimony, our story, our journey from hurt to hope. And it's our mission to inspire and encourage hurting couples to value, nurture, and restore their marriages. Now, to give you a little background, when my wife and I got married, neither one of us was following our childhood religions. I was raised Jewish in Massachusetts, hence the name Goldberg. My wife was raised Lutheran in Wisconsin. Both of us came from broken homes. Lisa's parents divorced when she was two years old. My parents divorced when I was three years old. We did not have good role models for marriage in our lives. And so for me, I just thought that marriage was kind of the next stage in the relationship. And if it worked out, great. If it didn't, well, okay. So it's no surprise that when our marriage started deteriorating after the first few years, I wasn't all that committed. During that time, there was a big void in our marriage. Lisa chose to fill that void by going back to church. She joined an in-depth Bible study. She surrounded herself with Christian women. She rededicated her life to Christ. I, on the other hand, decided to spend as much time away from my marriage and my wife as possible. I filled my life with my friends, my band, and ended up having an affair for a year and a half. During that time when our marriage was not going well at all, before the reveal of my affair, we took a trip to Mexico. Now, to be a little bit more forthright, my wife actually begged me to go to Mexico. I did not want to go. Our friends were getting married at a destination wedding there, and I didn't want to do it. But she begged me, and I said, you know what? Okay, fine. I'll go. So here's a picture from that trip. Now, side note, this was taken a long time ago, okay? I mean, look at that hair. I mean, you know, like, look at the smiles there. Like, this was taken with a digital camera, like a legit digital camera. Like, I'm not saying that we invented the selfie, but like, we were definitely early promoters of it. So, you know, a little credit. So, but this trip was tough. It was very stressful for us. You would never know that this couple in this picture was barely talking to each other, and that in less than six months' time, they would be separated. The truth is that when you look at this picture, it reminds me that not everything is as it seems. And I'd be willing to bet that behind the smiles and the small talk here this morning, there are hurting marriages. Divorce is very common in our society. We know the statistic, half of all marriages end in divorce. People don't have the, they don't put the importance on marriage anymore. It's very much an individualistic society about your own happiness, your own pleasure. But the truth is, is that the fastest growing demographic of divorce is empty nesters, which is shocking. These people have spent their whole marriages, 20, 30 years, focusing on things other than each other. Maybe it's the kids, maybe it's the career, maybe it's something else. And when they get to the point where the kids are out of the house, they say, who are you? They don't have that connection anymore. You know, when Lisa and I went to a marriage intensive, it was run by a Christian ministry called Retrovive, went to this marriage intensive shortly after the reveal of the affair. We were shocked that we were among the youngest people there. Most of the people were in their 50s and 60s. In fact, check this out. There was one couple there that actually, this guy, this guy brought the divorce papers with him to the marriage intensive. And I can only figure that he was like, well, this way I can say I've tried everything, okay? But at the end of the intensive, we rejoiced with them as they tore up the divorce papers. It was an amazing moment, God working through that marriage. But sadly, that's not the case for all marriages. One of the things that we learned during this intensive was that there are four stages of a relationship. This was eye-opening for me. It's been eye-opening for couples that we've talked to over the years, and I think it'll be eye-opening for you today. In a relationship, there are four stages. The first stage is called romance. This otherwise known as the attraction stage, or my personal favorite, the euphoric stage. Okay, you know this stage. This is the stage where you meet someone, you fall in love, everything is perfect. I mean, the birds are singing, the sun's out. You know, this person can't do anything wrong. You can't wait to see them. You have butterflies in your stomach every time you think of them. When Lisa and I met, I was living in Boston, she was living in New York at the time. We met in Orlando at a wedding that was kind of like an extended vacation. I mean, most of the people in our age bracket that went down to this wedding stayed there for three, four days. I will never forget, on the first day, I walked into the room, and there she was, Lisa, right over here. And I remember when I saw her, my stomach sank. I mean, I think I lost my breath. My eyes opened. I just said, wow. Her recount of the situation is a little bit different, but you'll have to ask her about that. We know this stage. We know this stage. This is when you fall in love. This is great. During that stage, there are special hormones, chemicals that are released in our bodies that only happens during that time of that relationship. It will never happen again. And it only lasts for about 18 months to two years. The next stage of marriage, disillusionment. Disillusionment. This got sad quick, didn't it? Disillusionment. This is when our eyes are opened. It's like, wait a second, who is this person? All the things that were cute aren't necessarily cute anymore, right? They start to get on your nerves a little bit. All those things your parents were telling you the whole time, you're just like, oh, okay, I get it. This is disillusionment. Sadly, lots of relationships end in this stage. They're missing that euphoric part of the relationship. It ends. My buddy Dane Joneshill, he's a brilliant songwriter. He wrote a song called We Lie Together about a couple in this stage. And listen to these lyrics. It used to be you thought my faults were funny. We'd laugh at how forgetful I could be. But the last time I forgot about your birthday, you lost the humor for that sort of thing. Sad. That's a couple in the disillusionment stage. If the couple stays together, they move on to misery. The misery stage, also known as the numbness stage. Now, this stage can last a very short time, or it can last years. This is the stage where the couple, where the marriage, is basically like a partnership. Kind of two ships in the night, roommates together. There's no real intimacy in the relationship anymore. In fact, a lot of people say that it's in this stage that they're not sure whether it's better to get a divorce or to stay married. But a lot of people choose on their own convictions to stay married, stick it out until the kids are out of school. Hence the rise in divorce among empty nesters. In this stage, it's very common for people to try to escape their marriage. They can escape their marriage in all kinds of ways. They can focus more on work, focus on the kids, their family, drugs, drinking, gambling. I mean, really, house projects. I had a neighbor once who would do house projects. I mean, like you've never seen. This guy was constantly working on his house. It was exhausting watching him avoid his wife. But listen, this is the stage. It's a fertile ground for affairs to happen. Because what happens when you're in that misery stage or numbness stage? You have no connection with your spouse or very little connection at all. And somebody else comes into the picture. You have that spark again. Remember the euphoric phase, those chemical reactions that only happen with somebody, with that relationship once, that happens. And then all of a sudden we're blinded. We think that, oh, this is the one. This is the one I should be married with. I feel happy again. Affairs can happen. That's what happened to me. And just so we're clear about affairs, an affair doesn't have to be physical. An affair occurs whenever a person other than your spouse is fulfilling a marital need or duty. So affairs can be emotional as well. In fact, I would argue that they're just as common, if not more common, and just as damaging as physical affairs. Sounds pretty bad so far, doesn't it? Well, the next stage, this is the goal to get to. This is the awakening stage. This is when our eyes are open to the reality of what a long-term relationship in marriage looks like. This is the stage when true intimacy and depth can occur. This is the stage when love changes from being just a feeling to being an action and a choice. But listen, no matter what stage your marriage is in, there's good news. It can be better. No matter what stage your marriage is in, it can be better. A marriage is better with God at the center. A marriage is better with God at the center. A marriage is better with God at the center. So if we're going to look at marriage with God at the center, I think it's a good idea that we open up the Bible and take a look at that. If you have a Bible, take it out. We're going to be starting in Genesis 2. If you don't have a Bible, there's probably one on your device, on your phone. You can pull that up. If you'd like to grab the Bible in front of you, there's one in the seat back pocket. Listen, if you don't have a paper Bible at home, take this Bible with you. It's our gift to you. We believe that every home should have a legitimate Bible. Okay. Genesis 2. So God has just created the world, everything in it, right? The heavens, the earth. He's created the oceans, the land, the animals. As our four-year-old Ford said in the Christmas video, the two little donkeys and that big bird. Okay? He's created everything. All right. But he hasn't created a woman yet. So in verse 18, he says, Now before we get caught up on the word helper, a more accurate translation would be companion. I just want to make it, put it out there that in God's eyes, man, woman, completely equal in God's eyes, of equal value. Now in a marriage, we have different strengths, different weaknesses, both of us in different roles. But as far as having value in God's eyes and in the marriage, equally valuable. So God makes a woman. He puts Adam to sleep, makes Eve, and I can picture it, right? Like if this were a movie that we're jumping down to verse 29. If this were a movie, I could see Adam opening his eyes. The song At Last by Etta James is rolling in the background. He his partner for the first time. He's excited. He's excited about this. Of course, this is before the fall. They were naked and unashamed, so that probably helped as well. It goes on to say, therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife. They shall become one flesh. Now, when this was written, the term shall leave his father and mother, I'm not sure that's entirely accurate. Because at the time, families would have family businesses. And so a son who is of marrying age would be married, and they would go live and work on the family business, whether a farmer or something else. So really what this is saying here is that the man shall prioritize his spouse. Prioritize. So the first thing, if we want a God-centered marriage, prioritize your spouse. This is something that I struggled with early on, especially in our marriage, but continue to struggle with it. I would prioritize my parents over my wife. I wouldn't even know I was doing it. My wife knew, but I did not know that I was doing it. But it's important to prioritize your spouse over your parents. This can be incredibly hard for younger people. They've just grown up in the house with their parents. Their parents have been the ones guiding them, leading them, telling them right from wrong, supporting them. And then all of a sudden, they're on a team with someone their own age who barely knows as much as they do. And they're supposed to be the team, the unit together. It's hard. It's hard to prioritize your spouse. But it's a good thing to do if you want a God-centered marriage. I had a friend once who was telling me about how when she was newly married in her younger 20s, she sat down at the table with her new husband and her father, and her father said, let's say your new husband and I have a disagreement. Whose side are you going to be on? And she said, well, my husband's. He said, good. And he said, okay, let's say your husband and I have a disagreement and you know I'm right. Now whose side are you on? And she grabbed her husband's hand and said, my husband's. You guys are a team. You're a unit together. If you want a God-centered marriage, you need to love your spouse. Love your spouse. If we want to know what love looks like, we're its own way. It is not irritable or resentful. It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. If you want a God-centered marriage, you need to love your spouse unconditionally. During the time when our marriage was in a really dark place, I was leading a secret life. Lisa had gone back to church. She loved me unconditionally. And it's funny sometimes when we talk to couples and we say, okay, you know, you guys got to try. You got to, you know, put in your best. You got to love them as if they're doing the right things. And somebody, one of the people will say, all right, I'll do everything I can for six months. That's a condition. You're putting a condition on your love. God loves us unconditionally. Now, I should mention, or I want to mention, that abuse has no business being in marriage at all. If you're in an abusive relationship, seek professional help and guidance and get to a safe place. There's no reason that abuse should be there. If you want to have a God-centered marriage, you need to serve your spouse. Serve your can be a tough thing to do. Aaron Keyes, who's the founder of the 10,000 Fathers Worship School that I attended, has a great quote. And he says, everyone loves being a servant until they're treated like one. And it's true. Everyone loves being a servant until they're treated like one. Servants are not treated well. Jesus is washing feet. Like, do you know how nasty feet were? Like, they're nasty now. Like, think about how nasty they were like back then. Like, disgusting. Dirt, grime, everything on their feet. So to wash someone's feet was really a humbling thing. And for Jesus, our Lord and Savior, to do it, set a good example. While I was being terrible to my wife during that time, she would serve me by literally choosing to wake up early in the morning and make me an omelet before work, which is not the sort of thing that she would necessarily do earlier in our marriage. If you want a God-centered marriage, you need to forgive your spouse. Forgive your spouse. Ephesians 4, verse 32. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you. If you fully understand the amount of what you've been forgiven of, you need to turn around and do that to your spouse. And it's a constant thing, forgiveness. It's not a one-time thing. I felt forgiveness almost immediately or a part of it when my wife said, I love you, we can make it through this. I later went to church with her and three months later gave my life to Christ. We have a thing in our home that helps us is that we actually ask for each other's forgiveness. Not just say, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. But we say, will you forgive me? If you want a God-centered marriage, you need to forgive your spouse. And the last one on the list here, if you want a God-centered marriage, you need to grow with your spouse. Grow with your spouse. 1 Thessalonians 5.11. not tend to it, and expect great results. Nobody would build a house, never maintain it, and expect it to stay in new condition. Just like a garden or a house, we need to constantly work on our marriages and grow in our marriages. If you notice at all there today, I did not mention a passage in Ephesians, which is Ephesians 5, which is the longest passage of Scripture on marriage in the Bible. The reason I didn't mention it today is because my wife and I are starting a marriage small group here at Grace. We're starting on February 9th, and four o'clock in the afternoon, childcare provided, and it's free to attend, the more the merrier. That study that we're going to do is called Love and Respect. We've gone through it four times. We've taught it once, and it's been incredibly beneficial each time. And so I have a little promo for you or significant other, you feel unloved at that moment or disrespected. 83% of the men say they feel disrespected. 72% of the women say they feel unloved. Now, it's very important that I say this. We all need love and respect equally. But the felt need during conflict is as different as pink is from blue, night is from day, male is from female. If you were to ask us to pinpoint one moment where your relationship with one another did a 180, it's absolutely when we did the love and respect. If we knew ahead of time that there was something available like this, it would have made those first 12, 13 years of our marriage so much smoother I think. a workbook for you. The workbook provides additional information that will enable you to apply this simple message. We include discussion questions, stories to read and discuss. There's a couple called Missy and Stu. A devotional for each session and then there's the pertinent information that will be available to you for quick review and reference. Love and Respect really gives you a lot of insight into this is what men think and this is what women think and this is how they thrive. And that perspective had never been explained to us before, especially in such a comical and easy to understand way. It took a biblical approach to a lot of problems that we have. And when you can apply the Bible to marital problems, it always helps. You get a chance to learn how you think as a male and how your spouse thinks as a female and to understand that those differences in thinking are just that. It's not wrong or right, it's just different. It really helped us to decode who we're married to and that's something that I want to share with everybody. They're gonna give you you the tools. They're going to give you what you need. Now what you do with it is up to you. You can walk out the door and you can throw it all away if you want to, or you can take it and you can make it become a part of who you are and begin to have the marriage that you deserve and the marriage that God wants you to have. The last time we led this study, there were 80 people that showed up to it at our last church. There were some young, some old, some newly married, some that were in hurting situations, but most of the people that came to it were in this awakening stage. The thing is, is that those people knew that it's a strength to work on your marriage, not a weakness. It shows strength, not weakness. So as we close up today, we've been talking about marriage is better with God at the center. Marriage is better with God at the center. One last thought. Make no mistake. God doesn't exist to make your marriage good. Your marriage exists to express the goodness of God. Let's pray. Heavenly Father, what an honor it is to be here today to speak about marriage. God, I'm living proof of how miraculous your love is, how you can change us, how the old is gone and the new has come with Jesus at the center of our lives. God, I pray especially for all the marriages here today. Lord, come into them in a powerful way. And God, let us see our spouses as beautiful as you see us. We pray all of this in the matchless name of Jesus. Amen.
11 years ago, I revealed to my wife that I had been having an affair for a year and a half. She calmly responded, I love you. We can make it through this. Today we're going to be talking about marriage. My name is Steve Goldberg. I'm the worship pastor here at Grace Raleigh, and it's an honor to bring the third message in our series, I Want a Better Life, entitled I Want a Better Marriage. For those of you who are first-time guests with us today, or maybe you're not familiar with my story. Surprise! In addition to being the worship pastor here at Grace, my wife and I also started a non-profit called Side-by-Side Ministry about five years ago, where we share our testimony, our story, our journey from hurt to hope. And it's our mission to inspire and encourage hurting couples to value, nurture, and restore their marriages. Now, to give you a little background, when my wife and I got married, neither one of us was following our childhood religions. I was raised Jewish in Massachusetts, hence the name Goldberg. My wife was raised Lutheran in Wisconsin. Both of us came from broken homes. Lisa's parents divorced when she was two years old. My parents divorced when I was three years old. We did not have good role models for marriage in our lives. And so for me, I just thought that marriage was kind of the next stage in the relationship. And if it worked out, great. If it didn't, well, okay. So it's no surprise that when our marriage started deteriorating after the first few years, I wasn't all that committed. During that time, there was a big void in our marriage. Lisa chose to fill that void by going back to church. She joined an in-depth Bible study. She surrounded herself with Christian women. She rededicated her life to Christ. I, on the other hand, decided to spend as much time away from my marriage and my wife as possible. I filled my life with my friends, my band, and ended up having an affair for a year and a half. During that time when our marriage was not going well at all, before the reveal of my affair, we took a trip to Mexico. Now, to be a little bit more forthright, my wife actually begged me to go to Mexico. I did not want to go. Our friends were getting married at a destination wedding there, and I didn't want to do it. But she begged me, and I said, you know what? Okay, fine. I'll go. So here's a picture from that trip. Now, side note, this was taken a long time ago, okay? I mean, look at that hair. I mean, you know, like, look at the smiles there. Like, this was taken with a digital camera, like a legit digital camera. Like, I'm not saying that we invented the selfie, but like, we were definitely early promoters of it. So, you know, a little credit. So, but this trip was tough. It was very stressful for us. You would never know that this couple in this picture was barely talking to each other, and that in less than six months' time, they would be separated. The truth is that when you look at this picture, it reminds me that not everything is as it seems. And I'd be willing to bet that behind the smiles and the small talk here this morning, there are hurting marriages. Divorce is very common in our society. We know the statistic, half of all marriages end in divorce. People don't have the, they don't put the importance on marriage anymore. It's very much an individualistic society about your own happiness, your own pleasure. But the truth is, is that the fastest growing demographic of divorce is empty nesters, which is shocking. These people have spent their whole marriages, 20, 30 years, focusing on things other than each other. Maybe it's the kids, maybe it's the career, maybe it's something else. And when they get to the point where the kids are out of the house, they say, who are you? They don't have that connection anymore. You know, when Lisa and I went to a marriage intensive, it was run by a Christian ministry called Retrovive, went to this marriage intensive shortly after the reveal of the affair. We were shocked that we were among the youngest people there. Most of the people were in their 50s and 60s. In fact, check this out. There was one couple there that actually, this guy, this guy brought the divorce papers with him to the marriage intensive. And I can only figure that he was like, well, this way I can say I've tried everything, okay? But at the end of the intensive, we rejoiced with them as they tore up the divorce papers. It was an amazing moment, God working through that marriage. But sadly, that's not the case for all marriages. One of the things that we learned during this intensive was that there are four stages of a relationship. This was eye-opening for me. It's been eye-opening for couples that we've talked to over the years, and I think it'll be eye-opening for you today. In a relationship, there are four stages. The first stage is called romance. This otherwise known as the attraction stage, or my personal favorite, the euphoric stage. Okay, you know this stage. This is the stage where you meet someone, you fall in love, everything is perfect. I mean, the birds are singing, the sun's out. You know, this person can't do anything wrong. You can't wait to see them. You have butterflies in your stomach every time you think of them. When Lisa and I met, I was living in Boston, she was living in New York at the time. We met in Orlando at a wedding that was kind of like an extended vacation. I mean, most of the people in our age bracket that went down to this wedding stayed there for three, four days. I will never forget, on the first day, I walked into the room, and there she was, Lisa, right over here. And I remember when I saw her, my stomach sank. I mean, I think I lost my breath. My eyes opened. I just said, wow. Her recount of the situation is a little bit different, but you'll have to ask her about that. We know this stage. We know this stage. This is when you fall in love. This is great. During that stage, there are special hormones, chemicals that are released in our bodies that only happens during that time of that relationship. It will never happen again. And it only lasts for about 18 months to two years. The next stage of marriage, disillusionment. Disillusionment. This got sad quick, didn't it? Disillusionment. This is when our eyes are opened. It's like, wait a second, who is this person? All the things that were cute aren't necessarily cute anymore, right? They start to get on your nerves a little bit. All those things your parents were telling you the whole time, you're just like, oh, okay, I get it. This is disillusionment. Sadly, lots of relationships end in this stage. They're missing that euphoric part of the relationship. It ends. My buddy Dane Joneshill, he's a brilliant songwriter. He wrote a song called We Lie Together about a couple in this stage. And listen to these lyrics. It used to be you thought my faults were funny. We'd laugh at how forgetful I could be. But the last time I forgot about your birthday, you lost the humor for that sort of thing. Sad. That's a couple in the disillusionment stage. If the couple stays together, they move on to misery. The misery stage, also known as the numbness stage. Now, this stage can last a very short time, or it can last years. This is the stage where the couple, where the marriage, is basically like a partnership. Kind of two ships in the night, roommates together. There's no real intimacy in the relationship anymore. In fact, a lot of people say that it's in this stage that they're not sure whether it's better to get a divorce or to stay married. But a lot of people choose on their own convictions to stay married, stick it out until the kids are out of school. Hence the rise in divorce among empty nesters. In this stage, it's very common for people to try to escape their marriage. They can escape their marriage in all kinds of ways. They can focus more on work, focus on the kids, their family, drugs, drinking, gambling. I mean, really, house projects. I had a neighbor once who would do house projects. I mean, like you've never seen. This guy was constantly working on his house. It was exhausting watching him avoid his wife. But listen, this is the stage. It's a fertile ground for affairs to happen. Because what happens when you're in that misery stage or numbness stage? You have no connection with your spouse or very little connection at all. And somebody else comes into the picture. You have that spark again. Remember the euphoric phase, those chemical reactions that only happen with somebody, with that relationship once, that happens. And then all of a sudden we're blinded. We think that, oh, this is the one. This is the one I should be married with. I feel happy again. Affairs can happen. That's what happened to me. And just so we're clear about affairs, an affair doesn't have to be physical. An affair occurs whenever a person other than your spouse is fulfilling a marital need or duty. So affairs can be emotional as well. In fact, I would argue that they're just as common, if not more common, and just as damaging as physical affairs. Sounds pretty bad so far, doesn't it? Well, the next stage, this is the goal to get to. This is the awakening stage. This is when our eyes are open to the reality of what a long-term relationship in marriage looks like. This is the stage when true intimacy and depth can occur. This is the stage when love changes from being just a feeling to being an action and a choice. But listen, no matter what stage your marriage is in, there's good news. It can be better. No matter what stage your marriage is in, it can be better. A marriage is better with God at the center. A marriage is better with God at the center. A marriage is better with God at the center. So if we're going to look at marriage with God at the center, I think it's a good idea that we open up the Bible and take a look at that. If you have a Bible, take it out. We're going to be starting in Genesis 2. If you don't have a Bible, there's probably one on your device, on your phone. You can pull that up. If you'd like to grab the Bible in front of you, there's one in the seat back pocket. Listen, if you don't have a paper Bible at home, take this Bible with you. It's our gift to you. We believe that every home should have a legitimate Bible. Okay. Genesis 2. So God has just created the world, everything in it, right? The heavens, the earth. He's created the oceans, the land, the animals. As our four-year-old Ford said in the Christmas video, the two little donkeys and that big bird. Okay? He's created everything. All right. But he hasn't created a woman yet. So in verse 18, he says, Now before we get caught up on the word helper, a more accurate translation would be companion. I just want to make it, put it out there that in God's eyes, man, woman, completely equal in God's eyes, of equal value. Now in a marriage, we have different strengths, different weaknesses, both of us in different roles. But as far as having value in God's eyes and in the marriage, equally valuable. So God makes a woman. He puts Adam to sleep, makes Eve, and I can picture it, right? Like if this were a movie that we're jumping down to verse 29. If this were a movie, I could see Adam opening his eyes. The song At Last by Etta James is rolling in the background. He his partner for the first time. He's excited. He's excited about this. Of course, this is before the fall. They were naked and unashamed, so that probably helped as well. It goes on to say, therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife. They shall become one flesh. Now, when this was written, the term shall leave his father and mother, I'm not sure that's entirely accurate. Because at the time, families would have family businesses. And so a son who is of marrying age would be married, and they would go live and work on the family business, whether a farmer or something else. So really what this is saying here is that the man shall prioritize his spouse. Prioritize. So the first thing, if we want a God-centered marriage, prioritize your spouse. This is something that I struggled with early on, especially in our marriage, but continue to struggle with it. I would prioritize my parents over my wife. I wouldn't even know I was doing it. My wife knew, but I did not know that I was doing it. But it's important to prioritize your spouse over your parents. This can be incredibly hard for younger people. They've just grown up in the house with their parents. Their parents have been the ones guiding them, leading them, telling them right from wrong, supporting them. And then all of a sudden, they're on a team with someone their own age who barely knows as much as they do. And they're supposed to be the team, the unit together. It's hard. It's hard to prioritize your spouse. But it's a good thing to do if you want a God-centered marriage. I had a friend once who was telling me about how when she was newly married in her younger 20s, she sat down at the table with her new husband and her father, and her father said, let's say your new husband and I have a disagreement. Whose side are you going to be on? And she said, well, my husband's. He said, good. And he said, okay, let's say your husband and I have a disagreement and you know I'm right. Now whose side are you on? And she grabbed her husband's hand and said, my husband's. You guys are a team. You're a unit together. If you want a God-centered marriage, you need to love your spouse. Love your spouse. If we want to know what love looks like, we're its own way. It is not irritable or resentful. It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. If you want a God-centered marriage, you need to love your spouse unconditionally. During the time when our marriage was in a really dark place, I was leading a secret life. Lisa had gone back to church. She loved me unconditionally. And it's funny sometimes when we talk to couples and we say, okay, you know, you guys got to try. You got to, you know, put in your best. You got to love them as if they're doing the right things. And somebody, one of the people will say, all right, I'll do everything I can for six months. That's a condition. You're putting a condition on your love. God loves us unconditionally. Now, I should mention, or I want to mention, that abuse has no business being in marriage at all. If you're in an abusive relationship, seek professional help and guidance and get to a safe place. There's no reason that abuse should be there. If you want to have a God-centered marriage, you need to serve your spouse. Serve your can be a tough thing to do. Aaron Keyes, who's the founder of the 10,000 Fathers Worship School that I attended, has a great quote. And he says, everyone loves being a servant until they're treated like one. And it's true. Everyone loves being a servant until they're treated like one. Servants are not treated well. Jesus is washing feet. Like, do you know how nasty feet were? Like, they're nasty now. Like, think about how nasty they were like back then. Like, disgusting. Dirt, grime, everything on their feet. So to wash someone's feet was really a humbling thing. And for Jesus, our Lord and Savior, to do it, set a good example. While I was being terrible to my wife during that time, she would serve me by literally choosing to wake up early in the morning and make me an omelet before work, which is not the sort of thing that she would necessarily do earlier in our marriage. If you want a God-centered marriage, you need to forgive your spouse. Forgive your spouse. Ephesians 4, verse 32. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you. If you fully understand the amount of what you've been forgiven of, you need to turn around and do that to your spouse. And it's a constant thing, forgiveness. It's not a one-time thing. I felt forgiveness almost immediately or a part of it when my wife said, I love you, we can make it through this. I later went to church with her and three months later gave my life to Christ. We have a thing in our home that helps us is that we actually ask for each other's forgiveness. Not just say, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. But we say, will you forgive me? If you want a God-centered marriage, you need to forgive your spouse. And the last one on the list here, if you want a God-centered marriage, you need to grow with your spouse. Grow with your spouse. 1 Thessalonians 5.11. not tend to it, and expect great results. Nobody would build a house, never maintain it, and expect it to stay in new condition. Just like a garden or a house, we need to constantly work on our marriages and grow in our marriages. If you notice at all there today, I did not mention a passage in Ephesians, which is Ephesians 5, which is the longest passage of Scripture on marriage in the Bible. The reason I didn't mention it today is because my wife and I are starting a marriage small group here at Grace. We're starting on February 9th, and four o'clock in the afternoon, childcare provided, and it's free to attend, the more the merrier. That study that we're going to do is called Love and Respect. We've gone through it four times. We've taught it once, and it's been incredibly beneficial each time. And so I have a little promo for you or significant other, you feel unloved at that moment or disrespected. 83% of the men say they feel disrespected. 72% of the women say they feel unloved. Now, it's very important that I say this. We all need love and respect equally. But the felt need during conflict is as different as pink is from blue, night is from day, male is from female. If you were to ask us to pinpoint one moment where your relationship with one another did a 180, it's absolutely when we did the love and respect. If we knew ahead of time that there was something available like this, it would have made those first 12, 13 years of our marriage so much smoother I think. a workbook for you. The workbook provides additional information that will enable you to apply this simple message. We include discussion questions, stories to read and discuss. There's a couple called Missy and Stu. A devotional for each session and then there's the pertinent information that will be available to you for quick review and reference. Love and Respect really gives you a lot of insight into this is what men think and this is what women think and this is how they thrive. And that perspective had never been explained to us before, especially in such a comical and easy to understand way. It took a biblical approach to a lot of problems that we have. And when you can apply the Bible to marital problems, it always helps. You get a chance to learn how you think as a male and how your spouse thinks as a female and to understand that those differences in thinking are just that. It's not wrong or right, it's just different. It really helped us to decode who we're married to and that's something that I want to share with everybody. They're gonna give you you the tools. They're going to give you what you need. Now what you do with it is up to you. You can walk out the door and you can throw it all away if you want to, or you can take it and you can make it become a part of who you are and begin to have the marriage that you deserve and the marriage that God wants you to have. The last time we led this study, there were 80 people that showed up to it at our last church. There were some young, some old, some newly married, some that were in hurting situations, but most of the people that came to it were in this awakening stage. The thing is, is that those people knew that it's a strength to work on your marriage, not a weakness. It shows strength, not weakness. So as we close up today, we've been talking about marriage is better with God at the center. Marriage is better with God at the center. One last thought. Make no mistake. God doesn't exist to make your marriage good. Your marriage exists to express the goodness of God. Let's pray. Heavenly Father, what an honor it is to be here today to speak about marriage. God, I'm living proof of how miraculous your love is, how you can change us, how the old is gone and the new has come with Jesus at the center of our lives. God, I pray especially for all the marriages here today. Lord, come into them in a powerful way. And God, let us see our spouses as beautiful as you see us. We pray all of this in the matchless name of Jesus. Amen.
11 years ago, I revealed to my wife that I had been having an affair for a year and a half. She calmly responded, I love you. We can make it through this. Today we're going to be talking about marriage. My name is Steve Goldberg. I'm the worship pastor here at Grace Raleigh, and it's an honor to bring the third message in our series, I Want a Better Life, entitled I Want a Better Marriage. For those of you who are first-time guests with us today, or maybe you're not familiar with my story. Surprise! In addition to being the worship pastor here at Grace, my wife and I also started a non-profit called Side-by-Side Ministry about five years ago, where we share our testimony, our story, our journey from hurt to hope. And it's our mission to inspire and encourage hurting couples to value, nurture, and restore their marriages. Now, to give you a little background, when my wife and I got married, neither one of us was following our childhood religions. I was raised Jewish in Massachusetts, hence the name Goldberg. My wife was raised Lutheran in Wisconsin. Both of us came from broken homes. Lisa's parents divorced when she was two years old. My parents divorced when I was three years old. We did not have good role models for marriage in our lives. And so for me, I just thought that marriage was kind of the next stage in the relationship. And if it worked out, great. If it didn't, well, okay. So it's no surprise that when our marriage started deteriorating after the first few years, I wasn't all that committed. During that time, there was a big void in our marriage. Lisa chose to fill that void by going back to church. She joined an in-depth Bible study. She surrounded herself with Christian women. She rededicated her life to Christ. I, on the other hand, decided to spend as much time away from my marriage and my wife as possible. I filled my life with my friends, my band, and ended up having an affair for a year and a half. During that time when our marriage was not going well at all, before the reveal of my affair, we took a trip to Mexico. Now, to be a little bit more forthright, my wife actually begged me to go to Mexico. I did not want to go. Our friends were getting married at a destination wedding there, and I didn't want to do it. But she begged me, and I said, you know what? Okay, fine. I'll go. So here's a picture from that trip. Now, side note, this was taken a long time ago, okay? I mean, look at that hair. I mean, you know, like, look at the smiles there. Like, this was taken with a digital camera, like a legit digital camera. Like, I'm not saying that we invented the selfie, but like, we were definitely early promoters of it. So, you know, a little credit. So, but this trip was tough. It was very stressful for us. You would never know that this couple in this picture was barely talking to each other, and that in less than six months' time, they would be separated. The truth is that when you look at this picture, it reminds me that not everything is as it seems. And I'd be willing to bet that behind the smiles and the small talk here this morning, there are hurting marriages. Divorce is very common in our society. We know the statistic, half of all marriages end in divorce. People don't have the, they don't put the importance on marriage anymore. It's very much an individualistic society about your own happiness, your own pleasure. But the truth is, is that the fastest growing demographic of divorce is empty nesters, which is shocking. These people have spent their whole marriages, 20, 30 years, focusing on things other than each other. Maybe it's the kids, maybe it's the career, maybe it's something else. And when they get to the point where the kids are out of the house, they say, who are you? They don't have that connection anymore. You know, when Lisa and I went to a marriage intensive, it was run by a Christian ministry called Retrovive, went to this marriage intensive shortly after the reveal of the affair. We were shocked that we were among the youngest people there. Most of the people were in their 50s and 60s. In fact, check this out. There was one couple there that actually, this guy, this guy brought the divorce papers with him to the marriage intensive. And I can only figure that he was like, well, this way I can say I've tried everything, okay? But at the end of the intensive, we rejoiced with them as they tore up the divorce papers. It was an amazing moment, God working through that marriage. But sadly, that's not the case for all marriages. One of the things that we learned during this intensive was that there are four stages of a relationship. This was eye-opening for me. It's been eye-opening for couples that we've talked to over the years, and I think it'll be eye-opening for you today. In a relationship, there are four stages. The first stage is called romance. This otherwise known as the attraction stage, or my personal favorite, the euphoric stage. Okay, you know this stage. This is the stage where you meet someone, you fall in love, everything is perfect. I mean, the birds are singing, the sun's out. You know, this person can't do anything wrong. You can't wait to see them. You have butterflies in your stomach every time you think of them. When Lisa and I met, I was living in Boston, she was living in New York at the time. We met in Orlando at a wedding that was kind of like an extended vacation. I mean, most of the people in our age bracket that went down to this wedding stayed there for three, four days. I will never forget, on the first day, I walked into the room, and there she was, Lisa, right over here. And I remember when I saw her, my stomach sank. I mean, I think I lost my breath. My eyes opened. I just said, wow. Her recount of the situation is a little bit different, but you'll have to ask her about that. We know this stage. We know this stage. This is when you fall in love. This is great. During that stage, there are special hormones, chemicals that are released in our bodies that only happens during that time of that relationship. It will never happen again. And it only lasts for about 18 months to two years. The next stage of marriage, disillusionment. Disillusionment. This got sad quick, didn't it? Disillusionment. This is when our eyes are opened. It's like, wait a second, who is this person? All the things that were cute aren't necessarily cute anymore, right? They start to get on your nerves a little bit. All those things your parents were telling you the whole time, you're just like, oh, okay, I get it. This is disillusionment. Sadly, lots of relationships end in this stage. They're missing that euphoric part of the relationship. It ends. My buddy Dane Joneshill, he's a brilliant songwriter. He wrote a song called We Lie Together about a couple in this stage. And listen to these lyrics. It used to be you thought my faults were funny. We'd laugh at how forgetful I could be. But the last time I forgot about your birthday, you lost the humor for that sort of thing. Sad. That's a couple in the disillusionment stage. If the couple stays together, they move on to misery. The misery stage, also known as the numbness stage. Now, this stage can last a very short time, or it can last years. This is the stage where the couple, where the marriage, is basically like a partnership. Kind of two ships in the night, roommates together. There's no real intimacy in the relationship anymore. In fact, a lot of people say that it's in this stage that they're not sure whether it's better to get a divorce or to stay married. But a lot of people choose on their own convictions to stay married, stick it out until the kids are out of school. Hence the rise in divorce among empty nesters. In this stage, it's very common for people to try to escape their marriage. They can escape their marriage in all kinds of ways. They can focus more on work, focus on the kids, their family, drugs, drinking, gambling. I mean, really, house projects. I had a neighbor once who would do house projects. I mean, like you've never seen. This guy was constantly working on his house. It was exhausting watching him avoid his wife. But listen, this is the stage. It's a fertile ground for affairs to happen. Because what happens when you're in that misery stage or numbness stage? You have no connection with your spouse or very little connection at all. And somebody else comes into the picture. You have that spark again. Remember the euphoric phase, those chemical reactions that only happen with somebody, with that relationship once, that happens. And then all of a sudden we're blinded. We think that, oh, this is the one. This is the one I should be married with. I feel happy again. Affairs can happen. That's what happened to me. And just so we're clear about affairs, an affair doesn't have to be physical. An affair occurs whenever a person other than your spouse is fulfilling a marital need or duty. So affairs can be emotional as well. In fact, I would argue that they're just as common, if not more common, and just as damaging as physical affairs. Sounds pretty bad so far, doesn't it? Well, the next stage, this is the goal to get to. This is the awakening stage. This is when our eyes are open to the reality of what a long-term relationship in marriage looks like. This is the stage when true intimacy and depth can occur. This is the stage when love changes from being just a feeling to being an action and a choice. But listen, no matter what stage your marriage is in, there's good news. It can be better. No matter what stage your marriage is in, it can be better. A marriage is better with God at the center. A marriage is better with God at the center. A marriage is better with God at the center. So if we're going to look at marriage with God at the center, I think it's a good idea that we open up the Bible and take a look at that. If you have a Bible, take it out. We're going to be starting in Genesis 2. If you don't have a Bible, there's probably one on your device, on your phone. You can pull that up. If you'd like to grab the Bible in front of you, there's one in the seat back pocket. Listen, if you don't have a paper Bible at home, take this Bible with you. It's our gift to you. We believe that every home should have a legitimate Bible. Okay. Genesis 2. So God has just created the world, everything in it, right? The heavens, the earth. He's created the oceans, the land, the animals. As our four-year-old Ford said in the Christmas video, the two little donkeys and that big bird. Okay? He's created everything. All right. But he hasn't created a woman yet. So in verse 18, he says, Now before we get caught up on the word helper, a more accurate translation would be companion. I just want to make it, put it out there that in God's eyes, man, woman, completely equal in God's eyes, of equal value. Now in a marriage, we have different strengths, different weaknesses, both of us in different roles. But as far as having value in God's eyes and in the marriage, equally valuable. So God makes a woman. He puts Adam to sleep, makes Eve, and I can picture it, right? Like if this were a movie that we're jumping down to verse 29. If this were a movie, I could see Adam opening his eyes. The song At Last by Etta James is rolling in the background. He his partner for the first time. He's excited. He's excited about this. Of course, this is before the fall. They were naked and unashamed, so that probably helped as well. It goes on to say, therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife. They shall become one flesh. Now, when this was written, the term shall leave his father and mother, I'm not sure that's entirely accurate. Because at the time, families would have family businesses. And so a son who is of marrying age would be married, and they would go live and work on the family business, whether a farmer or something else. So really what this is saying here is that the man shall prioritize his spouse. Prioritize. So the first thing, if we want a God-centered marriage, prioritize your spouse. This is something that I struggled with early on, especially in our marriage, but continue to struggle with it. I would prioritize my parents over my wife. I wouldn't even know I was doing it. My wife knew, but I did not know that I was doing it. But it's important to prioritize your spouse over your parents. This can be incredibly hard for younger people. They've just grown up in the house with their parents. Their parents have been the ones guiding them, leading them, telling them right from wrong, supporting them. And then all of a sudden, they're on a team with someone their own age who barely knows as much as they do. And they're supposed to be the team, the unit together. It's hard. It's hard to prioritize your spouse. But it's a good thing to do if you want a God-centered marriage. I had a friend once who was telling me about how when she was newly married in her younger 20s, she sat down at the table with her new husband and her father, and her father said, let's say your new husband and I have a disagreement. Whose side are you going to be on? And she said, well, my husband's. He said, good. And he said, okay, let's say your husband and I have a disagreement and you know I'm right. Now whose side are you on? And she grabbed her husband's hand and said, my husband's. You guys are a team. You're a unit together. If you want a God-centered marriage, you need to love your spouse. Love your spouse. If we want to know what love looks like, we're its own way. It is not irritable or resentful. It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. If you want a God-centered marriage, you need to love your spouse unconditionally. During the time when our marriage was in a really dark place, I was leading a secret life. Lisa had gone back to church. She loved me unconditionally. And it's funny sometimes when we talk to couples and we say, okay, you know, you guys got to try. You got to, you know, put in your best. You got to love them as if they're doing the right things. And somebody, one of the people will say, all right, I'll do everything I can for six months. That's a condition. You're putting a condition on your love. God loves us unconditionally. Now, I should mention, or I want to mention, that abuse has no business being in marriage at all. If you're in an abusive relationship, seek professional help and guidance and get to a safe place. There's no reason that abuse should be there. If you want to have a God-centered marriage, you need to serve your spouse. Serve your can be a tough thing to do. Aaron Keyes, who's the founder of the 10,000 Fathers Worship School that I attended, has a great quote. And he says, everyone loves being a servant until they're treated like one. And it's true. Everyone loves being a servant until they're treated like one. Servants are not treated well. Jesus is washing feet. Like, do you know how nasty feet were? Like, they're nasty now. Like, think about how nasty they were like back then. Like, disgusting. Dirt, grime, everything on their feet. So to wash someone's feet was really a humbling thing. And for Jesus, our Lord and Savior, to do it, set a good example. While I was being terrible to my wife during that time, she would serve me by literally choosing to wake up early in the morning and make me an omelet before work, which is not the sort of thing that she would necessarily do earlier in our marriage. If you want a God-centered marriage, you need to forgive your spouse. Forgive your spouse. Ephesians 4, verse 32. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you. If you fully understand the amount of what you've been forgiven of, you need to turn around and do that to your spouse. And it's a constant thing, forgiveness. It's not a one-time thing. I felt forgiveness almost immediately or a part of it when my wife said, I love you, we can make it through this. I later went to church with her and three months later gave my life to Christ. We have a thing in our home that helps us is that we actually ask for each other's forgiveness. Not just say, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. But we say, will you forgive me? If you want a God-centered marriage, you need to forgive your spouse. And the last one on the list here, if you want a God-centered marriage, you need to grow with your spouse. Grow with your spouse. 1 Thessalonians 5.11. not tend to it, and expect great results. Nobody would build a house, never maintain it, and expect it to stay in new condition. Just like a garden or a house, we need to constantly work on our marriages and grow in our marriages. If you notice at all there today, I did not mention a passage in Ephesians, which is Ephesians 5, which is the longest passage of Scripture on marriage in the Bible. The reason I didn't mention it today is because my wife and I are starting a marriage small group here at Grace. We're starting on February 9th, and four o'clock in the afternoon, childcare provided, and it's free to attend, the more the merrier. That study that we're going to do is called Love and Respect. We've gone through it four times. We've taught it once, and it's been incredibly beneficial each time. And so I have a little promo for you or significant other, you feel unloved at that moment or disrespected. 83% of the men say they feel disrespected. 72% of the women say they feel unloved. Now, it's very important that I say this. We all need love and respect equally. But the felt need during conflict is as different as pink is from blue, night is from day, male is from female. If you were to ask us to pinpoint one moment where your relationship with one another did a 180, it's absolutely when we did the love and respect. If we knew ahead of time that there was something available like this, it would have made those first 12, 13 years of our marriage so much smoother I think. a workbook for you. The workbook provides additional information that will enable you to apply this simple message. We include discussion questions, stories to read and discuss. There's a couple called Missy and Stu. A devotional for each session and then there's the pertinent information that will be available to you for quick review and reference. Love and Respect really gives you a lot of insight into this is what men think and this is what women think and this is how they thrive. And that perspective had never been explained to us before, especially in such a comical and easy to understand way. It took a biblical approach to a lot of problems that we have. And when you can apply the Bible to marital problems, it always helps. You get a chance to learn how you think as a male and how your spouse thinks as a female and to understand that those differences in thinking are just that. It's not wrong or right, it's just different. It really helped us to decode who we're married to and that's something that I want to share with everybody. They're gonna give you you the tools. They're going to give you what you need. Now what you do with it is up to you. You can walk out the door and you can throw it all away if you want to, or you can take it and you can make it become a part of who you are and begin to have the marriage that you deserve and the marriage that God wants you to have. The last time we led this study, there were 80 people that showed up to it at our last church. There were some young, some old, some newly married, some that were in hurting situations, but most of the people that came to it were in this awakening stage. The thing is, is that those people knew that it's a strength to work on your marriage, not a weakness. It shows strength, not weakness. So as we close up today, we've been talking about marriage is better with God at the center. Marriage is better with God at the center. One last thought. Make no mistake. God doesn't exist to make your marriage good. Your marriage exists to express the goodness of God. Let's pray. Heavenly Father, what an honor it is to be here today to speak about marriage. God, I'm living proof of how miraculous your love is, how you can change us, how the old is gone and the new has come with Jesus at the center of our lives. God, I pray especially for all the marriages here today. Lord, come into them in a powerful way. And God, let us see our spouses as beautiful as you see us. We pray all of this in the matchless name of Jesus. Amen.
11 years ago, I revealed to my wife that I had been having an affair for a year and a half. She calmly responded, I love you. We can make it through this. Today we're going to be talking about marriage. My name is Steve Goldberg. I'm the worship pastor here at Grace Raleigh, and it's an honor to bring the third message in our series, I Want a Better Life, entitled I Want a Better Marriage. For those of you who are first-time guests with us today, or maybe you're not familiar with my story. Surprise! In addition to being the worship pastor here at Grace, my wife and I also started a non-profit called Side-by-Side Ministry about five years ago, where we share our testimony, our story, our journey from hurt to hope. And it's our mission to inspire and encourage hurting couples to value, nurture, and restore their marriages. Now, to give you a little background, when my wife and I got married, neither one of us was following our childhood religions. I was raised Jewish in Massachusetts, hence the name Goldberg. My wife was raised Lutheran in Wisconsin. Both of us came from broken homes. Lisa's parents divorced when she was two years old. My parents divorced when I was three years old. We did not have good role models for marriage in our lives. And so for me, I just thought that marriage was kind of the next stage in the relationship. And if it worked out, great. If it didn't, well, okay. So it's no surprise that when our marriage started deteriorating after the first few years, I wasn't all that committed. During that time, there was a big void in our marriage. Lisa chose to fill that void by going back to church. She joined an in-depth Bible study. She surrounded herself with Christian women. She rededicated her life to Christ. I, on the other hand, decided to spend as much time away from my marriage and my wife as possible. I filled my life with my friends, my band, and ended up having an affair for a year and a half. During that time when our marriage was not going well at all, before the reveal of my affair, we took a trip to Mexico. Now, to be a little bit more forthright, my wife actually begged me to go to Mexico. I did not want to go. Our friends were getting married at a destination wedding there, and I didn't want to do it. But she begged me, and I said, you know what? Okay, fine. I'll go. So here's a picture from that trip. Now, side note, this was taken a long time ago, okay? I mean, look at that hair. I mean, you know, like, look at the smiles there. Like, this was taken with a digital camera, like a legit digital camera. Like, I'm not saying that we invented the selfie, but like, we were definitely early promoters of it. So, you know, a little credit. So, but this trip was tough. It was very stressful for us. You would never know that this couple in this picture was barely talking to each other, and that in less than six months' time, they would be separated. The truth is that when you look at this picture, it reminds me that not everything is as it seems. And I'd be willing to bet that behind the smiles and the small talk here this morning, there are hurting marriages. Divorce is very common in our society. We know the statistic, half of all marriages end in divorce. People don't have the, they don't put the importance on marriage anymore. It's very much an individualistic society about your own happiness, your own pleasure. But the truth is, is that the fastest growing demographic of divorce is empty nesters, which is shocking. These people have spent their whole marriages, 20, 30 years, focusing on things other than each other. Maybe it's the kids, maybe it's the career, maybe it's something else. And when they get to the point where the kids are out of the house, they say, who are you? They don't have that connection anymore. You know, when Lisa and I went to a marriage intensive, it was run by a Christian ministry called Retrovive, went to this marriage intensive shortly after the reveal of the affair. We were shocked that we were among the youngest people there. Most of the people were in their 50s and 60s. In fact, check this out. There was one couple there that actually, this guy, this guy brought the divorce papers with him to the marriage intensive. And I can only figure that he was like, well, this way I can say I've tried everything, okay? But at the end of the intensive, we rejoiced with them as they tore up the divorce papers. It was an amazing moment, God working through that marriage. But sadly, that's not the case for all marriages. One of the things that we learned during this intensive was that there are four stages of a relationship. This was eye-opening for me. It's been eye-opening for couples that we've talked to over the years, and I think it'll be eye-opening for you today. In a relationship, there are four stages. The first stage is called romance. This otherwise known as the attraction stage, or my personal favorite, the euphoric stage. Okay, you know this stage. This is the stage where you meet someone, you fall in love, everything is perfect. I mean, the birds are singing, the sun's out. You know, this person can't do anything wrong. You can't wait to see them. You have butterflies in your stomach every time you think of them. When Lisa and I met, I was living in Boston, she was living in New York at the time. We met in Orlando at a wedding that was kind of like an extended vacation. I mean, most of the people in our age bracket that went down to this wedding stayed there for three, four days. I will never forget, on the first day, I walked into the room, and there she was, Lisa, right over here. And I remember when I saw her, my stomach sank. I mean, I think I lost my breath. My eyes opened. I just said, wow. Her recount of the situation is a little bit different, but you'll have to ask her about that. We know this stage. We know this stage. This is when you fall in love. This is great. During that stage, there are special hormones, chemicals that are released in our bodies that only happens during that time of that relationship. It will never happen again. And it only lasts for about 18 months to two years. The next stage of marriage, disillusionment. Disillusionment. This got sad quick, didn't it? Disillusionment. This is when our eyes are opened. It's like, wait a second, who is this person? All the things that were cute aren't necessarily cute anymore, right? They start to get on your nerves a little bit. All those things your parents were telling you the whole time, you're just like, oh, okay, I get it. This is disillusionment. Sadly, lots of relationships end in this stage. They're missing that euphoric part of the relationship. It ends. My buddy Dane Joneshill, he's a brilliant songwriter. He wrote a song called We Lie Together about a couple in this stage. And listen to these lyrics. It used to be you thought my faults were funny. We'd laugh at how forgetful I could be. But the last time I forgot about your birthday, you lost the humor for that sort of thing. Sad. That's a couple in the disillusionment stage. If the couple stays together, they move on to misery. The misery stage, also known as the numbness stage. Now, this stage can last a very short time, or it can last years. This is the stage where the couple, where the marriage, is basically like a partnership. Kind of two ships in the night, roommates together. There's no real intimacy in the relationship anymore. In fact, a lot of people say that it's in this stage that they're not sure whether it's better to get a divorce or to stay married. But a lot of people choose on their own convictions to stay married, stick it out until the kids are out of school. Hence the rise in divorce among empty nesters. In this stage, it's very common for people to try to escape their marriage. They can escape their marriage in all kinds of ways. They can focus more on work, focus on the kids, their family, drugs, drinking, gambling. I mean, really, house projects. I had a neighbor once who would do house projects. I mean, like you've never seen. This guy was constantly working on his house. It was exhausting watching him avoid his wife. But listen, this is the stage. It's a fertile ground for affairs to happen. Because what happens when you're in that misery stage or numbness stage? You have no connection with your spouse or very little connection at all. And somebody else comes into the picture. You have that spark again. Remember the euphoric phase, those chemical reactions that only happen with somebody, with that relationship once, that happens. And then all of a sudden we're blinded. We think that, oh, this is the one. This is the one I should be married with. I feel happy again. Affairs can happen. That's what happened to me. And just so we're clear about affairs, an affair doesn't have to be physical. An affair occurs whenever a person other than your spouse is fulfilling a marital need or duty. So affairs can be emotional as well. In fact, I would argue that they're just as common, if not more common, and just as damaging as physical affairs. Sounds pretty bad so far, doesn't it? Well, the next stage, this is the goal to get to. This is the awakening stage. This is when our eyes are open to the reality of what a long-term relationship in marriage looks like. This is the stage when true intimacy and depth can occur. This is the stage when love changes from being just a feeling to being an action and a choice. But listen, no matter what stage your marriage is in, there's good news. It can be better. No matter what stage your marriage is in, it can be better. A marriage is better with God at the center. A marriage is better with God at the center. A marriage is better with God at the center. So if we're going to look at marriage with God at the center, I think it's a good idea that we open up the Bible and take a look at that. If you have a Bible, take it out. We're going to be starting in Genesis 2. If you don't have a Bible, there's probably one on your device, on your phone. You can pull that up. If you'd like to grab the Bible in front of you, there's one in the seat back pocket. Listen, if you don't have a paper Bible at home, take this Bible with you. It's our gift to you. We believe that every home should have a legitimate Bible. Okay. Genesis 2. So God has just created the world, everything in it, right? The heavens, the earth. He's created the oceans, the land, the animals. As our four-year-old Ford said in the Christmas video, the two little donkeys and that big bird. Okay? He's created everything. All right. But he hasn't created a woman yet. So in verse 18, he says, Now before we get caught up on the word helper, a more accurate translation would be companion. I just want to make it, put it out there that in God's eyes, man, woman, completely equal in God's eyes, of equal value. Now in a marriage, we have different strengths, different weaknesses, both of us in different roles. But as far as having value in God's eyes and in the marriage, equally valuable. So God makes a woman. He puts Adam to sleep, makes Eve, and I can picture it, right? Like if this were a movie that we're jumping down to verse 29. If this were a movie, I could see Adam opening his eyes. The song At Last by Etta James is rolling in the background. He his partner for the first time. He's excited. He's excited about this. Of course, this is before the fall. They were naked and unashamed, so that probably helped as well. It goes on to say, therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife. They shall become one flesh. Now, when this was written, the term shall leave his father and mother, I'm not sure that's entirely accurate. Because at the time, families would have family businesses. And so a son who is of marrying age would be married, and they would go live and work on the family business, whether a farmer or something else. So really what this is saying here is that the man shall prioritize his spouse. Prioritize. So the first thing, if we want a God-centered marriage, prioritize your spouse. This is something that I struggled with early on, especially in our marriage, but continue to struggle with it. I would prioritize my parents over my wife. I wouldn't even know I was doing it. My wife knew, but I did not know that I was doing it. But it's important to prioritize your spouse over your parents. This can be incredibly hard for younger people. They've just grown up in the house with their parents. Their parents have been the ones guiding them, leading them, telling them right from wrong, supporting them. And then all of a sudden, they're on a team with someone their own age who barely knows as much as they do. And they're supposed to be the team, the unit together. It's hard. It's hard to prioritize your spouse. But it's a good thing to do if you want a God-centered marriage. I had a friend once who was telling me about how when she was newly married in her younger 20s, she sat down at the table with her new husband and her father, and her father said, let's say your new husband and I have a disagreement. Whose side are you going to be on? And she said, well, my husband's. He said, good. And he said, okay, let's say your husband and I have a disagreement and you know I'm right. Now whose side are you on? And she grabbed her husband's hand and said, my husband's. You guys are a team. You're a unit together. If you want a God-centered marriage, you need to love your spouse. Love your spouse. If we want to know what love looks like, we're its own way. It is not irritable or resentful. It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. If you want a God-centered marriage, you need to love your spouse unconditionally. During the time when our marriage was in a really dark place, I was leading a secret life. Lisa had gone back to church. She loved me unconditionally. And it's funny sometimes when we talk to couples and we say, okay, you know, you guys got to try. You got to, you know, put in your best. You got to love them as if they're doing the right things. And somebody, one of the people will say, all right, I'll do everything I can for six months. That's a condition. You're putting a condition on your love. God loves us unconditionally. Now, I should mention, or I want to mention, that abuse has no business being in marriage at all. If you're in an abusive relationship, seek professional help and guidance and get to a safe place. There's no reason that abuse should be there. If you want to have a God-centered marriage, you need to serve your spouse. Serve your can be a tough thing to do. Aaron Keyes, who's the founder of the 10,000 Fathers Worship School that I attended, has a great quote. And he says, everyone loves being a servant until they're treated like one. And it's true. Everyone loves being a servant until they're treated like one. Servants are not treated well. Jesus is washing feet. Like, do you know how nasty feet were? Like, they're nasty now. Like, think about how nasty they were like back then. Like, disgusting. Dirt, grime, everything on their feet. So to wash someone's feet was really a humbling thing. And for Jesus, our Lord and Savior, to do it, set a good example. While I was being terrible to my wife during that time, she would serve me by literally choosing to wake up early in the morning and make me an omelet before work, which is not the sort of thing that she would necessarily do earlier in our marriage. If you want a God-centered marriage, you need to forgive your spouse. Forgive your spouse. Ephesians 4, verse 32. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you. If you fully understand the amount of what you've been forgiven of, you need to turn around and do that to your spouse. And it's a constant thing, forgiveness. It's not a one-time thing. I felt forgiveness almost immediately or a part of it when my wife said, I love you, we can make it through this. I later went to church with her and three months later gave my life to Christ. We have a thing in our home that helps us is that we actually ask for each other's forgiveness. Not just say, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. But we say, will you forgive me? If you want a God-centered marriage, you need to forgive your spouse. And the last one on the list here, if you want a God-centered marriage, you need to grow with your spouse. Grow with your spouse. 1 Thessalonians 5.11. not tend to it, and expect great results. Nobody would build a house, never maintain it, and expect it to stay in new condition. Just like a garden or a house, we need to constantly work on our marriages and grow in our marriages. If you notice at all there today, I did not mention a passage in Ephesians, which is Ephesians 5, which is the longest passage of Scripture on marriage in the Bible. The reason I didn't mention it today is because my wife and I are starting a marriage small group here at Grace. We're starting on February 9th, and four o'clock in the afternoon, childcare provided, and it's free to attend, the more the merrier. That study that we're going to do is called Love and Respect. We've gone through it four times. We've taught it once, and it's been incredibly beneficial each time. And so I have a little promo for you or significant other, you feel unloved at that moment or disrespected. 83% of the men say they feel disrespected. 72% of the women say they feel unloved. Now, it's very important that I say this. We all need love and respect equally. But the felt need during conflict is as different as pink is from blue, night is from day, male is from female. If you were to ask us to pinpoint one moment where your relationship with one another did a 180, it's absolutely when we did the love and respect. If we knew ahead of time that there was something available like this, it would have made those first 12, 13 years of our marriage so much smoother I think. a workbook for you. The workbook provides additional information that will enable you to apply this simple message. We include discussion questions, stories to read and discuss. There's a couple called Missy and Stu. A devotional for each session and then there's the pertinent information that will be available to you for quick review and reference. Love and Respect really gives you a lot of insight into this is what men think and this is what women think and this is how they thrive. And that perspective had never been explained to us before, especially in such a comical and easy to understand way. It took a biblical approach to a lot of problems that we have. And when you can apply the Bible to marital problems, it always helps. You get a chance to learn how you think as a male and how your spouse thinks as a female and to understand that those differences in thinking are just that. It's not wrong or right, it's just different. It really helped us to decode who we're married to and that's something that I want to share with everybody. They're gonna give you you the tools. They're going to give you what you need. Now what you do with it is up to you. You can walk out the door and you can throw it all away if you want to, or you can take it and you can make it become a part of who you are and begin to have the marriage that you deserve and the marriage that God wants you to have. The last time we led this study, there were 80 people that showed up to it at our last church. There were some young, some old, some newly married, some that were in hurting situations, but most of the people that came to it were in this awakening stage. The thing is, is that those people knew that it's a strength to work on your marriage, not a weakness. It shows strength, not weakness. So as we close up today, we've been talking about marriage is better with God at the center. Marriage is better with God at the center. One last thought. Make no mistake. God doesn't exist to make your marriage good. Your marriage exists to express the goodness of God. Let's pray. Heavenly Father, what an honor it is to be here today to speak about marriage. God, I'm living proof of how miraculous your love is, how you can change us, how the old is gone and the new has come with Jesus at the center of our lives. God, I pray especially for all the marriages here today. Lord, come into them in a powerful way. And God, let us see our spouses as beautiful as you see us. We pray all of this in the matchless name of Jesus. Amen.
Well, good morning. It's good to see everybody, particularly the UNC fans this morning. If you don't know this about me, I'm wearing neutral colors, but that's really what we're wearing today. This is just to keep you guys from getting mad at me. I would like to personally thank Alan Hill, Kyle's future father-in-law, for inviting me to their UNC tailgate yesterday, where I was able to bring what is apparently my son, who is a good luck charm, and we won, which was great. And you'll have to forgive my exuberance. Georgia Tech doesn't get a lot to cheer for. This is essentially my national championship, okay? This is the one time in a calendar year I've been able to be proud to be a Georgia Tech Yellow Jacket. As a matter of fact, I think the last time was when we beat UNC last year in Atlanta. So I'm high on the hog right now. All right, thank you for indulging me that. I'm sorry, I'll settle down. But we are in the fifth part of our series called Powerful Prayers, where we're looking at prayers that we find in Scripture and just examining them, seeing what we can learn from them, from the heart that's revealed in them. And I thought that we would be remiss if we didn't ask the question for ourselves as we look at powerful prayers, how can we become more powerful prayers? How can we become more powerful and more consistent in our prayers, right? How can we be people of prayer? I know that for many of us, you share my experience. To be a Christian for a while is to hear things like, man, you should probably pray more. And instantly you go, yeah, I should. It's a thing that we know. So how do we go from knowing that we should pray more, that it should define us more, that we should be what's called people of prayer, people who are defined by a rich and vibrant prayer life? How do we go from knowing that to actually doing it, to actually experiencing it? How do we become more powerful prayers? And to answer this question, I think we can look at an example tucked away in an Old Testament story. We're going to be in the book of Nehemiah. Nehemiah is tough to find. If you don't know where it is, just use your table of contents. But turn there with me if you want to. We're going to be in chapters 1 and 2. Now, Nehemiah is one of my favorite stories in the Bible. I know that doesn't carry any weight with you guys because all the stories that I talk about are my favorite stories in the Bible. I get that. But I love the story of Nehemiah because it's such a great picture of how we are supposed to build God's church here as Grace Raleigh, but how God intends to build his church in Raleigh, how God intends to build his church in America, how God intends to build his church internationally. I think what we find in Nehemiah is examples and lessons for how God intends to build his church that have applications all over how we think of church. But I don't get to talk about that this morning. I just get to say it and hope that it sparks enough interest in you to go read it and figure it out for yourself. What I do get to focus on is the prayer life of Nehemiah. So I want to look at this instance, this little snapshot of his life at the beginning of his story. We encounter him when he is the cupbearer for King Artaxerxes. Now, Nehemiah is a Jewish man who was carried over after the Babylonians conquered Israel or Judea, and they carried the best and the brightest over to Babylon to be slaves. And clearly, Nehemiah was a sharp man. He was a trustworthy man because he made it up the ladder to where he is the cupbearer for the most powerful king in the world. This is the man, Artaxerxes, that called himself the king of kings. He was the king of Persia and Babylon and Egypt all at the same time. So we're going to call it the Babylonian empire, but it's really, it's even larger than that. And here Nehemiah finds himself as the cup bearer to King Artaxerxes. And one day Nehemiah gets word that his hometown Jerusalem has been just laid waste, that the walls are torn down, they're broken down, and the city has been destroyed. And this is a big deal in the ancient world for a city not to have walls, because when a city doesn't have walls, it has no defense. Anybody around it that wants to come in and take from the city whatever they want, just with enough swords can come in and take what they want. They have no defense. They lay vulnerable to the entire countryside, to the entire surrounding countries. This city is vulnerable to whatever they want to come and do to it. And so Nehemiah goes into this phase of fasting and mourning and sadness and prayer because he's distraught over his hometown, Jerusalem. And you've got to remember, too, it's not just finding out that your hometown has been ransacked. That hometown, I'm not going to get into it too much this morning, but that hometown represents promises from God that the Jewish people clung to all the way back to Abraham, all the way back to Genesis chapter 12. And so it's not just that the hometown lays in rubble, it's that he's feeling that his promises from God need to be restored. And so in his spirit, he's wrestling with all this and trying to figure out what to do. And so when he heard this news, this is Nehemiah's response. In chapter 1, O Lord God of heaven, the great and awesome God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keeps his commandment. And then in verse six, I just go on. Let your ear be attentive and your eyes open to hear the prayer of your servant that I now pray before you day and night for the people of Israel, your servants. And so he goes on and on praying, but he essentially prays that Israel would be restored. God, hear my prayer. Hear the prayer of your servants in Israel. Restore Jerusalem to its former glory. Let the walls be rebuilt. And in the interim, you know that Nehemiah, it's implied all throughout the passage, is wondering, what can I do? How can I help? God, what would you have me do to fix this problem? I'm a thousand miles away, the cupbearer for a king. How could I possibly help repair the walls of Jerusalem? But I guess at some point or another, he gets an idea. And we see him admit to this idea in Nehemiah chapter 2, when he's in the throne room of Artaxerxes. And Artaxerxes notices that he's sad. And this is not a good thing because when you serve the ancient kings, you needed to be glad to be in their presence. You needed to be happy, okay? You had to fake it until you made it. You did not want to be bummed out and depressed and bring in your bad mood into their presence. But Artaxerxes cares about Nehemiah, and he notices that he's downtrodden. He notices that he's been bummed out the last little while, and so he asks him about it. And this is the interchange between the two of them in Nehemiah 2, verses 2 through 5. Yeah, why should not my face be sad when the city, the place of my father's graves lies in ruins and its gates have been destroyed by fire? Then the king said to me, what are you requesting? So I prayed to the God of heaven and I said to the king, if it pleases the king and if your servant has found favor in your sight, then you send me to Judah, to the city of my father's graves, that I might rebuild it. So he's in the presence of the king. And he's clearly depressed. And the king says, Nehemiah, what's been going on, man? You're sad. You're sulking. You're not sick. So your heart is sick. What's going on? And he was afraid, but he admitted to it. The city of my fathers and my grandfathers has been torn to rubble. And then Artaxerxes says, what are you asking? What are you requesting? And then I love that phrase that he stopped, he paused. Nehemiah paused in the middle of what was going on and he offered a prayer to the God in heaven. And he asked for a blessing from God before he asked for the blessing from Artaxerxes. God, I'm about to ask this really bold thing. God, this request could potentially cost me some jail time or my life if he decides he's in a bad mood. So I need you to bless this for me real quick and just confirm for me that this is actually the idea that you placed in my mind before I submitted to the king. So he stops and he prays. He says, God, bless this. And then he turns to Artaxerxes and he tells him what he wants to do. And Artaxerxes is moved by Nehemiah, cares for his servant, and releases him to do that. Not only does he release him to do that, but he hands him a letter. It's a letter of free passage through each province between Babylon and Jerusalem. And it's a letter that once he gets to Jerusalem, that he can get all of the lumber and all of the stone that he needs to complete the wall and he can bill it to Artaxerxes himself. So it went pretty well for Nehemiah. But the reason I'm focusing on the story when we ask the question, how do we become more powerful prayers, is because Nehemiah models the importance of scheduled and spontaneous prayers. In Nehemiah, we find the model of a life of a person who is a person of prayer. He models both scheduled and spontaneous prayers. He models scheduled prayers. When he heard about the destruction of Jerusalem, he went into a time of mourning and fasting. He picked the time when he was gonna sit down and more likely kneel before the Father. And just as an aside, in your prayers, if you're able, I don't know if some of us are not, if you're able to kneel when you pray, it really changes your mindset as you pray. I would encourage you as a regular practice to be someone who kneels when you can. But Nehemiah was likely kneeling to pray. He set this time aside and he poured his heart out to God. He prayed everything that was on his heart. And so he models for us scheduled prayers. The greatest model for us of scheduled prayers in the Bible that I see is Daniel. Daniel set aside three times a day to pray. And we've preached about him before. But that's the first place where I would push you a little bit. In your own prayer life, whatever your regularity is, however much you pray, however often it is, if it's not very often at all or if it's very, very regularly, I would encourage you to follow the model and the example of Nehemiah and of Daniel and schedule your times to pray. And we all know this is true. You've heard this before. People have told you this. You've heard this in seminars. You hear this in corporate world. We hear it in church world. Someone, one of your friends has told it to you over lunch as if they've unearthed some sort of wisdom that's never occurred to you before when they tell you, if you don't schedule it, it won't happen, right? We know that. We know that to be true. This is America. We schedule things. We're very busy. We're the busiest. We have not, Europe has figured it out. We have not figured it out. We're a bunch of dum-dums. We just, I mean, every block of time that we have is scheduled out. And so what we know is if we don't schedule it, it's not going to happen. How many of you, don't raise your hand, but how many of you have left church or left a small group or read a book, something that emphasized prayer and thought to yourself, I'm gonna pray more. But you didn't pick a time to do it. You didn't commit to a set schedule of it. And then you didn't pray more. I think it's probably happened to all of us. It might sound unspiritual to schedule your prayer, but I'm telling you it's one of the most spiritual things you can do. I would recommend starting with prayer in the morning. I've said it since I started here. I'll say it until you guys get rid of me. But the single most important habit anyone can develop in their life is to wake up every day and spend time in God's Word and time in prayer. You've got to schedule your time in prayer and you've got to figure out what works for you. There was a season of my life where I set my alarm a little bit early and I thought the first thing I'm going to do during the day to begin my day is pray. And my alarm would go off and I would swing my legs out of the bed and I would kneel on the bed and I would pray and then I would wake up and there would be drool in my beard. And I would think, this seems to be an unsuccessful practice. I need to schedule this a little bit better. So I learned for myself that I need to get up. I need to have coffee. I need to read God's word. And then let God's word push me into prayer. So that's been my pattern and habit. And then after I pray, just if this helps anybody, I have a book that I'm reading that's spiritually encouraging. So my practice and my devotionals is to wake up, get a cup of coffee, perk up, be somewhere with a little bit of light, but not too much light. I mean, come on, you don't want to ruin it. And then read God's word, let God's word carry me into prayer. And then I read whatever spiritually encouraging book I'm reading until a child makes a noise and ruins my peace, right? That's what I do. But we've got to have these times that we schedule. That used to be what I do. I do that on the weekends now as much as I can. But now what I do is I just get up and I get after it and I get Lily to school and I get into the office and I'm usually here first because Lily has to be at school earlier than everybody else has to get up. And that's when I have my time of prayer. But you need to pick a time for prayer that works for you. You need to schedule it. There was a season of my life where I set an alarm that went off every day at three o'clock and I would pause at three o'clock and I would pray. I'm not that spiritual anymore. I don't do that. I missed pray, but I do know that if you don't schedule it, it won't happen. So maybe the first baby step for you in being a person of prayer is to schedule a time of prayer. And I'll just tell you this too, practically as your pastor, if you're sitting there right now and you're like, yeah, I'm gonna do that. Tomorrow morning, I'm gonna get up, I'm gonna do a couple things, I'm gonna pray. Tomorrow when I have the space, when I park, I'm gonna get to the office five minutes early and I'm gonna pray. Whatever it is, however it is, you figure out how you can begin to be a person of prayer and you intend to pray tomorrow or later today. I'll just tell you, the first time you pray, you're gonna really mean it. You're gonna last about two and a half minutes and you're gonna be done and you'll be like, God, I'm sorry, I ran out of things to pray. And you're going to feel like a terrible Christian. That's because you are. I'm just messing around. You're going to feel like a terrible Christian, but you're not a terrible Christian. You just haven't developed the pattern and the habit of prayer. So just let two and a half minutes be two and a half minutes. And the next day, pray for three minutes. And the next day, pray for three minutes. Just pray. Just talk to God. Pour out what's on your heart to him. Schedule a time to prayer and then pray about whatever it is you're supposed to pray about. And I tell you, if you do that day after day, you'll start praying longer. If you do that day after day, you'll learn the art of listening prayer, of just sitting in stillness in the presence of God and trying to hear him and be encouraged by him and receive love from him. But you don't just start on day one praying these 45-minute prayers that are 15 minutes of silence and other stuff. So just take the baby step, start the prayers, and start to make your way to being a person of prayer. Now the other thing Nehemiah does is he models for us spontaneous prayers. Just these single shot prayers as he goes throughout his life. He's just going throughout his life. He's just going throughout his day. He doesn't stop in mid-conversation with King Artaxerxes and say, hang on King, and kneel down and pour out this elaborate prayer. No, he just says, God, bless me. Like, let's see what he says. So I prayed to the God of heaven. That's it. So God, bless this conversation as I'm about to have this conversation. Bless the thing I'm about to do. He just stops, he pauses, gives a momentary mental, God, I need you, and then he steps into what he needs to step into. And this is the pattern of prayer that we need to follow. These spontaneous prayers as we go into and out of different situations to just stop and say, God, I'm inviting you into this situation. God, I'm not enough for this situation. God, I need you in this situation. God, I need you in this conversation. I need you to calm me down right now because I'm about to lose my mind. Whatever it is, he models for us this time of scheduled prayer and this time of spontaneous prayer. And as I read the story, I began to wonder about us. And really, I began to wonder about me. Because I'll confess to you, I don't pray enough spontaneous prayers. I don't stop enough times throughout my day and go, God, just be with me as I go into this lunch meeting. I mean, I was thinking about it, and I don't pray before staff meetings. We have a staff meeting every Tuesday. And this last staff meeting, we got in there and we went to plan the semester. To plan next semester, the series from January all the way to Mother's Day. And we prayed as a group in there. And I prayed earlier in the day. But going into that meeting, I didn't stop and pray, God, just bless this time, just be with me as I lead us through this. What's the matter with me? Why doesn't that trigger my prayers? Why aren't we triggered to prayer more? And it just made me wonder what actually triggers our prayers. What is it in your life that makes you stop and go, yeah, I'm gonna pray real quick? Whether we, like, one of the things that triggers my prayer sometimes is when I go inside my kid's bedroom and I look at my sleeping children. If you're a parent and that doesn't trigger the occasional prayer, you're broken on the inside. It's even worse than not liking dogs. You're totally dead on the inside. And I'll go in and I'll see Lily lying there and I'll kind of just be overwhelmed and I'll kneel and I'll pray. And sometimes things will happen, I'll get nervous, I'll get worried and I'll stop and I'll pray. But the things that trigger me in my life, there's very few of them. There's not enough. And it made me realize that I go through my life feeling pretty adequate to the things that God would ask me to do. And I think that when we don't pray a lot of spontaneous prayers, God be with me here, that's a pretty good sign that we're too prideful. We think too highly of ourselves. Or we think too little of God, one or the other. But I wonder what kinds of things trigger you to prayer. Because the reality is, the model that we see in Nehemiah, and the model that we see throughout the powerful prayers in Scripture, is that powerful prayers pray about everything all the time. Powerful prayers pray about everything all the time. People who are powerful in their prayer life, people who are people of prayer, are in constant prayer. It's not just the scheduled prayer where they wake up and they get on their knees and they pray, or the midday prayer, or the end of the day prayer. It's this constant communication with God. They pray about everything all the time. And that has to be true because it's the only explanation for Paul's little pithy throwaway instruction in 1 Thessalonians, I believe chapter 5, where he's wrapping up the book. He's writing a letter to the church in Thessalonica in the New Testament, and he's wrapping up the book. He's giving them five chapters worth of encouragement, and then he tells them, he gives them kind of a list of things like, hey, just to review, do these things. And one of the things that he just throws in there is if we're just supposed to receive it and do it all the time is he says, pray without ceasing. And whenever you read it, it's like, what are you, how man? Like I'm not a monk. I have things to do. I have a life. I have stuff I have to get accomplished. And even monks, they like make beer and honey and stuff. Like they got things. I don't know what happens in monasteries. Everybody has stuff to do. How do we pray without ceasing? It's got to be that we maintain this daily communication with God. I heard a story years ago that illustrates this point very well. And it's a totally made-up story. Somebody made it up. When they told us the story. They told us they made it up. This is not real. This is more of a parable. Okay. So there's a guy who is renowned in his church for the way that he prays. He is a person of prayer. He prays about everything all the time. He has this incredibly vibrant prayer life. And some other dudes in the church wanted to learn from this guy. They wanted to hear him pray. And so they got together and they figured that the best time to hear him pray is going to be his nighttime prayer. When he kneels beside his bed and he's praying before the end of the day and he's talking to God and he kind of downloads this whole day, this is going to be the best time to hear this guy's prayer. And so while that guy's out doing whatever he's doing, probably feeding the homeless or something, they go to his house, and they hide in his closet. Now this guy, this hypothetical non-existent person, is a single man without a wife, so it's not weird that they're in there, okay? They're not going to see anything they shouldn't see. So they're hiding in his closet, and dude comes in the bedroom, and he does his nighttime routine, and they're kind of sitting there waiting, and this is when he's going to kneel by his bed, right? So they're kind of waiting there, leaning in, and he doesn't kneel by his bed. He just gets into his bed, and they're like, oh, oh, he's going to go prostrate. He's going to go face down on the bed. This guy means it, but he doesn't do that. He just kind of gets in, and he rolls over on his side, and he reaches over, and he turns out the lamp, and he says, good night, Father. And he closes his eyes, and that's it. Because that man had been in prayer all day. That man woke up. He said, good morning, God. This is the day that you have made. Let me rejoice and be glad in it. It's yours. Let me be who you need me to be today. And then at one point or another, I'm sure that man had a time of scheduled prayer where he sat down and he prayed about all the things. And then as he went through his day, he kept God as an active participant in his day so that at the end of the day, when it was time to say goodnight, the only thing left to do was to say goodnight because he had been talking to God all day. This is the model of prayer that we are supposed to pursue. And I know that that might feel far off for some of us. I heard that story before and I've heard pray without ceasing and this attitude of prayer and I've sat you are, and I've thought, gosh, forget it. I barely can remember to pray every day. I don't pray for some of my meals. Like, I don't know if I can ever do that. And it might feel pretty impossible to be someone who wakes up talking to God, who goes throughout your day talking to God, and ends your day talking to God. But I don't love you if I don't put that in front of you as the standard. If I tell you that something short of that is actually what God wants for you, that praying without ceasing, that being people of prayer, that being people who have conversations with God throughout the day, every day, if I tell you that that's only for some Christians, that that's only for some churchgoers, that's only for some of God's children, then I'm lying to you and I don't love you. And so even though that goal may feel very far off, how dare me sell you short of what you should be and of what God wants you to be and of what he implores you to be through model after model and verse after verse in his word. We are to be people of prayer who exist in communication with God. And if you're not there yet and it feels very far off, that's okay. There's grace for that. But we cannot accept less than that. We must be people who pursue God in prayer. And there's so many reasons why, but I think one of the big ones is that when we pray, we confess. Do you know that every time you go to God in prayer, you are making an implicit confession with the simple act of praying. When I see Lily sleeping in her bedroom and I'm overwhelmed and I stop and I pray, I'm confessing in that prayer. God, I'm not big enough for this. God, I'm not adequate to raise this girl without scars that are going to send her into counseling later. I don't have the character to do it, God. I don't have the wisdom to do it, God. God, I can't see around corners, but you can, so I'm just asking you to be with her. God, I know that you created her as your workmanship to walk in those good works, but I don't know what those good works are, God, but you do. So would you please help me raise her in such a way that moves her towards what you intended her to be because I know that I'm inadequate for this. When we pray for our children, we confess that we are inadequate to make them who God wants them to be. And so we need God's help. When we go into a meeting, and before that meeting, maybe it's a difficult conversation. Maybe you're having lunch with a friend and they're going to ask you about a thing, or you have to ask them about a thing, and it's not going to be easy. As we go into that and we say, God, just please be with me as I go to meet with so-and-so. We confess. We confess that we don't have the wisdom for that conversation and that God does. We confess that God loves that person more than we do. We confess that God is going to be present there and that his spirit is needed to give me the words I need to say and to soften the ears and the heart of the person who has to hear them. We confess that God is needed there. Listen, when we're going into a business meeting in sterile, corporate, sometimes vulgar corporate America, when we go into those meetings, and before we go into those meetings, we pray. And we say, God, help me remember that I'm your agent here. Help me remember that they're your children too, that I'm about to meet with your sons and daughters, and that there's something bigger going on than just the decisions that we make or the deal that we close or the pitch that we agree upon. Help me remember, God, that there is something divine happening in that room when I get in there and that I need to be sensitive to it. Help me be sensitive to what everybody else in the room is experiencing. When we pray before we walk into a business meeting, we confess that there's something bigger than business happening in that room. So we stop and we pray. When I pray before a staff meeting, I confess that there's something more important than the day-to-day decisions that are going on in that room. I stop and I pray and I confess. When we schedule time and we pray about everything, it's a confession that we are inadequate for all of those things. And these confessions are important to make those confessions through prayer. It humbles us. It attunes us. It focuses us when we make these confessions. Every Sunday I pray before I come up. And one of the things that I pray is, God, thank you. Thank you for the opportunity to do this. And it confesses, right? It's a helpful thing for me to thank God for the opportunity to do it, to ask that my words would be a reflection of his words and would be helpful for his people. It's helpful for me to do that because it reminds me. God made me for this good work. He made me to teach and run my mouth. I didn't get good at it. I don't know if you think I'm good at it now. I don't really, I don't care if you do. But God gave me a gift to teach. But every time I thank him for the opportunity to express that gift, I acknowledge that it is a gift. I acknowledge and confess. He can take it from me whenever he wants. He can give someone else this stage whenever he wants. It is only by his grace and by his protection that I'm up here this week. And I hope Lord will and I'll be here next week. That's all up to God. And so when I confess that and I acknowledge it and then I get done and someone says, oh, that was good. Oh, that was helpful. I get to celebrate with them that God has worked in their life and that has been helpful, not that I did good because I've already confessed to God that this is his. When we pray, we confess. And by making those regular confessions in our lives, we put ourselves in a posture of humility before God and before others. We see other people as God's children or people who need to be turned on to God's love. Not projects or things that are in the way or simple coworkers or simple friends, but we see God's children. When we pray, we confess our own inadequacies, our need and reliance for God's wisdom rather than our own. I said earlier, I think I'm not triggered to pray enough because I think too highly of myself. I think that I'm too capable for things. I'd be willing to bet we all think that. I want us to be a church of powerful prayers. I want us to follow the model of Nehemiah, to have times that we schedule to pray, And maybe that can be your step of obedience this morning, is to schedule times of prayer. If you're a person who already does that, then maybe your step of obedience can be, God, help me open my eyes to the times that I need to pray. Help me see the times when I'm not doing it. Maybe we can create more triggers. Every time I'm going to make a phone call, every time I'm going to be in a meeting, every time I have a presentation, every time this happens, I will pray. Every time I drive home, I need to pray, God, give me grace for my children from 5.30 p.m. until 7 p.m. Let me be the dad that I need to be to them and not the one I feel like being. We need to set up things in our life where we need that remind us to pray. And I think that we need to acknowledge as we pray that we confess and think through what are the things that we are confessing with this prayer and let that confession humble us before God and for others. With that being said, let's pray together. Father, we love you. We trust you. We're grateful for you. We are thankful that even when we don't know what to pray, that the Holy Spirit intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words, and that even as an added help, your son sits at your right hand interceding for us on behalf of our prayers. God, make us a church filled with people of prayer. And in those prayers, may we confess our insufficiency in light of your all-sufficiency, your greater love for the objects of our prayers that we love so much. May we confess, Father, you as a source of all our wisdom, of all our peace, of all our strength. And may our bowed heads and bent knees acknowledge your sovereignty over this world and your lordship over us. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.
Well, good morning. It's good to see everybody, particularly the UNC fans this morning. If you don't know this about me, I'm wearing neutral colors, but that's really what we're wearing today. This is just to keep you guys from getting mad at me. I would like to personally thank Alan Hill, Kyle's future father-in-law, for inviting me to their UNC tailgate yesterday, where I was able to bring what is apparently my son, who is a good luck charm, and we won, which was great. And you'll have to forgive my exuberance. Georgia Tech doesn't get a lot to cheer for. This is essentially my national championship, okay? This is the one time in a calendar year I've been able to be proud to be a Georgia Tech Yellow Jacket. As a matter of fact, I think the last time was when we beat UNC last year in Atlanta. So I'm high on the hog right now. All right, thank you for indulging me that. I'm sorry, I'll settle down. But we are in the fifth part of our series called Powerful Prayers, where we're looking at prayers that we find in Scripture and just examining them, seeing what we can learn from them, from the heart that's revealed in them. And I thought that we would be remiss if we didn't ask the question for ourselves as we look at powerful prayers, how can we become more powerful prayers? How can we become more powerful and more consistent in our prayers, right? How can we be people of prayer? I know that for many of us, you share my experience. To be a Christian for a while is to hear things like, man, you should probably pray more. And instantly you go, yeah, I should. It's a thing that we know. So how do we go from knowing that we should pray more, that it should define us more, that we should be what's called people of prayer, people who are defined by a rich and vibrant prayer life? How do we go from knowing that to actually doing it, to actually experiencing it? How do we become more powerful prayers? And to answer this question, I think we can look at an example tucked away in an Old Testament story. We're going to be in the book of Nehemiah. Nehemiah is tough to find. If you don't know where it is, just use your table of contents. But turn there with me if you want to. We're going to be in chapters 1 and 2. Now, Nehemiah is one of my favorite stories in the Bible. I know that doesn't carry any weight with you guys because all the stories that I talk about are my favorite stories in the Bible. I get that. But I love the story of Nehemiah because it's such a great picture of how we are supposed to build God's church here as Grace Raleigh, but how God intends to build his church in Raleigh, how God intends to build his church in America, how God intends to build his church internationally. I think what we find in Nehemiah is examples and lessons for how God intends to build his church that have applications all over how we think of church. But I don't get to talk about that this morning. I just get to say it and hope that it sparks enough interest in you to go read it and figure it out for yourself. What I do get to focus on is the prayer life of Nehemiah. So I want to look at this instance, this little snapshot of his life at the beginning of his story. We encounter him when he is the cupbearer for King Artaxerxes. Now, Nehemiah is a Jewish man who was carried over after the Babylonians conquered Israel or Judea, and they carried the best and the brightest over to Babylon to be slaves. And clearly, Nehemiah was a sharp man. He was a trustworthy man because he made it up the ladder to where he is the cupbearer for the most powerful king in the world. This is the man, Artaxerxes, that called himself the king of kings. He was the king of Persia and Babylon and Egypt all at the same time. So we're going to call it the Babylonian empire, but it's really, it's even larger than that. And here Nehemiah finds himself as the cup bearer to King Artaxerxes. And one day Nehemiah gets word that his hometown Jerusalem has been just laid waste, that the walls are torn down, they're broken down, and the city has been destroyed. And this is a big deal in the ancient world for a city not to have walls, because when a city doesn't have walls, it has no defense. Anybody around it that wants to come in and take from the city whatever they want, just with enough swords can come in and take what they want. They have no defense. They lay vulnerable to the entire countryside, to the entire surrounding countries. This city is vulnerable to whatever they want to come and do to it. And so Nehemiah goes into this phase of fasting and mourning and sadness and prayer because he's distraught over his hometown, Jerusalem. And you've got to remember, too, it's not just finding out that your hometown has been ransacked. That hometown, I'm not going to get into it too much this morning, but that hometown represents promises from God that the Jewish people clung to all the way back to Abraham, all the way back to Genesis chapter 12. And so it's not just that the hometown lays in rubble, it's that he's feeling that his promises from God need to be restored. And so in his spirit, he's wrestling with all this and trying to figure out what to do. And so when he heard this news, this is Nehemiah's response. In chapter 1, O Lord God of heaven, the great and awesome God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keeps his commandment. And then in verse six, I just go on. Let your ear be attentive and your eyes open to hear the prayer of your servant that I now pray before you day and night for the people of Israel, your servants. And so he goes on and on praying, but he essentially prays that Israel would be restored. God, hear my prayer. Hear the prayer of your servants in Israel. Restore Jerusalem to its former glory. Let the walls be rebuilt. And in the interim, you know that Nehemiah, it's implied all throughout the passage, is wondering, what can I do? How can I help? God, what would you have me do to fix this problem? I'm a thousand miles away, the cupbearer for a king. How could I possibly help repair the walls of Jerusalem? But I guess at some point or another, he gets an idea. And we see him admit to this idea in Nehemiah chapter 2, when he's in the throne room of Artaxerxes. And Artaxerxes notices that he's sad. And this is not a good thing because when you serve the ancient kings, you needed to be glad to be in their presence. You needed to be happy, okay? You had to fake it until you made it. You did not want to be bummed out and depressed and bring in your bad mood into their presence. But Artaxerxes cares about Nehemiah, and he notices that he's downtrodden. He notices that he's been bummed out the last little while, and so he asks him about it. And this is the interchange between the two of them in Nehemiah 2, verses 2 through 5. Yeah, why should not my face be sad when the city, the place of my father's graves lies in ruins and its gates have been destroyed by fire? Then the king said to me, what are you requesting? So I prayed to the God of heaven and I said to the king, if it pleases the king and if your servant has found favor in your sight, then you send me to Judah, to the city of my father's graves, that I might rebuild it. So he's in the presence of the king. And he's clearly depressed. And the king says, Nehemiah, what's been going on, man? You're sad. You're sulking. You're not sick. So your heart is sick. What's going on? And he was afraid, but he admitted to it. The city of my fathers and my grandfathers has been torn to rubble. And then Artaxerxes says, what are you asking? What are you requesting? And then I love that phrase that he stopped, he paused. Nehemiah paused in the middle of what was going on and he offered a prayer to the God in heaven. And he asked for a blessing from God before he asked for the blessing from Artaxerxes. God, I'm about to ask this really bold thing. God, this request could potentially cost me some jail time or my life if he decides he's in a bad mood. So I need you to bless this for me real quick and just confirm for me that this is actually the idea that you placed in my mind before I submitted to the king. So he stops and he prays. He says, God, bless this. And then he turns to Artaxerxes and he tells him what he wants to do. And Artaxerxes is moved by Nehemiah, cares for his servant, and releases him to do that. Not only does he release him to do that, but he hands him a letter. It's a letter of free passage through each province between Babylon and Jerusalem. And it's a letter that once he gets to Jerusalem, that he can get all of the lumber and all of the stone that he needs to complete the wall and he can bill it to Artaxerxes himself. So it went pretty well for Nehemiah. But the reason I'm focusing on the story when we ask the question, how do we become more powerful prayers, is because Nehemiah models the importance of scheduled and spontaneous prayers. In Nehemiah, we find the model of a life of a person who is a person of prayer. He models both scheduled and spontaneous prayers. He models scheduled prayers. When he heard about the destruction of Jerusalem, he went into a time of mourning and fasting. He picked the time when he was gonna sit down and more likely kneel before the Father. And just as an aside, in your prayers, if you're able, I don't know if some of us are not, if you're able to kneel when you pray, it really changes your mindset as you pray. I would encourage you as a regular practice to be someone who kneels when you can. But Nehemiah was likely kneeling to pray. He set this time aside and he poured his heart out to God. He prayed everything that was on his heart. And so he models for us scheduled prayers. The greatest model for us of scheduled prayers in the Bible that I see is Daniel. Daniel set aside three times a day to pray. And we've preached about him before. But that's the first place where I would push you a little bit. In your own prayer life, whatever your regularity is, however much you pray, however often it is, if it's not very often at all or if it's very, very regularly, I would encourage you to follow the model and the example of Nehemiah and of Daniel and schedule your times to pray. And we all know this is true. You've heard this before. People have told you this. You've heard this in seminars. You hear this in corporate world. We hear it in church world. Someone, one of your friends has told it to you over lunch as if they've unearthed some sort of wisdom that's never occurred to you before when they tell you, if you don't schedule it, it won't happen, right? We know that. We know that to be true. This is America. We schedule things. We're very busy. We're the busiest. We have not, Europe has figured it out. We have not figured it out. We're a bunch of dum-dums. We just, I mean, every block of time that we have is scheduled out. And so what we know is if we don't schedule it, it's not going to happen. How many of you, don't raise your hand, but how many of you have left church or left a small group or read a book, something that emphasized prayer and thought to yourself, I'm gonna pray more. But you didn't pick a time to do it. You didn't commit to a set schedule of it. And then you didn't pray more. I think it's probably happened to all of us. It might sound unspiritual to schedule your prayer, but I'm telling you it's one of the most spiritual things you can do. I would recommend starting with prayer in the morning. I've said it since I started here. I'll say it until you guys get rid of me. But the single most important habit anyone can develop in their life is to wake up every day and spend time in God's Word and time in prayer. You've got to schedule your time in prayer and you've got to figure out what works for you. There was a season of my life where I set my alarm a little bit early and I thought the first thing I'm going to do during the day to begin my day is pray. And my alarm would go off and I would swing my legs out of the bed and I would kneel on the bed and I would pray and then I would wake up and there would be drool in my beard. And I would think, this seems to be an unsuccessful practice. I need to schedule this a little bit better. So I learned for myself that I need to get up. I need to have coffee. I need to read God's word. And then let God's word push me into prayer. So that's been my pattern and habit. And then after I pray, just if this helps anybody, I have a book that I'm reading that's spiritually encouraging. So my practice and my devotionals is to wake up, get a cup of coffee, perk up, be somewhere with a little bit of light, but not too much light. I mean, come on, you don't want to ruin it. And then read God's word, let God's word carry me into prayer. And then I read whatever spiritually encouraging book I'm reading until a child makes a noise and ruins my peace, right? That's what I do. But we've got to have these times that we schedule. That used to be what I do. I do that on the weekends now as much as I can. But now what I do is I just get up and I get after it and I get Lily to school and I get into the office and I'm usually here first because Lily has to be at school earlier than everybody else has to get up. And that's when I have my time of prayer. But you need to pick a time for prayer that works for you. You need to schedule it. There was a season of my life where I set an alarm that went off every day at three o'clock and I would pause at three o'clock and I would pray. I'm not that spiritual anymore. I don't do that. I missed pray, but I do know that if you don't schedule it, it won't happen. So maybe the first baby step for you in being a person of prayer is to schedule a time of prayer. And I'll just tell you this too, practically as your pastor, if you're sitting there right now and you're like, yeah, I'm gonna do that. Tomorrow morning, I'm gonna get up, I'm gonna do a couple things, I'm gonna pray. Tomorrow when I have the space, when I park, I'm gonna get to the office five minutes early and I'm gonna pray. Whatever it is, however it is, you figure out how you can begin to be a person of prayer and you intend to pray tomorrow or later today. I'll just tell you, the first time you pray, you're gonna really mean it. You're gonna last about two and a half minutes and you're gonna be done and you'll be like, God, I'm sorry, I ran out of things to pray. And you're going to feel like a terrible Christian. That's because you are. I'm just messing around. You're going to feel like a terrible Christian, but you're not a terrible Christian. You just haven't developed the pattern and the habit of prayer. So just let two and a half minutes be two and a half minutes. And the next day, pray for three minutes. And the next day, pray for three minutes. Just pray. Just talk to God. Pour out what's on your heart to him. Schedule a time to prayer and then pray about whatever it is you're supposed to pray about. And I tell you, if you do that day after day, you'll start praying longer. If you do that day after day, you'll learn the art of listening prayer, of just sitting in stillness in the presence of God and trying to hear him and be encouraged by him and receive love from him. But you don't just start on day one praying these 45-minute prayers that are 15 minutes of silence and other stuff. So just take the baby step, start the prayers, and start to make your way to being a person of prayer. Now the other thing Nehemiah does is he models for us spontaneous prayers. Just these single shot prayers as he goes throughout his life. He's just going throughout his life. He's just going throughout his day. He doesn't stop in mid-conversation with King Artaxerxes and say, hang on King, and kneel down and pour out this elaborate prayer. No, he just says, God, bless me. Like, let's see what he says. So I prayed to the God of heaven. That's it. So God, bless this conversation as I'm about to have this conversation. Bless the thing I'm about to do. He just stops, he pauses, gives a momentary mental, God, I need you, and then he steps into what he needs to step into. And this is the pattern of prayer that we need to follow. These spontaneous prayers as we go into and out of different situations to just stop and say, God, I'm inviting you into this situation. God, I'm not enough for this situation. God, I need you in this situation. God, I need you in this conversation. I need you to calm me down right now because I'm about to lose my mind. Whatever it is, he models for us this time of scheduled prayer and this time of spontaneous prayer. And as I read the story, I began to wonder about us. And really, I began to wonder about me. Because I'll confess to you, I don't pray enough spontaneous prayers. I don't stop enough times throughout my day and go, God, just be with me as I go into this lunch meeting. I mean, I was thinking about it, and I don't pray before staff meetings. We have a staff meeting every Tuesday. And this last staff meeting, we got in there and we went to plan the semester. To plan next semester, the series from January all the way to Mother's Day. And we prayed as a group in there. And I prayed earlier in the day. But going into that meeting, I didn't stop and pray, God, just bless this time, just be with me as I lead us through this. What's the matter with me? Why doesn't that trigger my prayers? Why aren't we triggered to prayer more? And it just made me wonder what actually triggers our prayers. What is it in your life that makes you stop and go, yeah, I'm gonna pray real quick? Whether we, like, one of the things that triggers my prayer sometimes is when I go inside my kid's bedroom and I look at my sleeping children. If you're a parent and that doesn't trigger the occasional prayer, you're broken on the inside. It's even worse than not liking dogs. You're totally dead on the inside. And I'll go in and I'll see Lily lying there and I'll kind of just be overwhelmed and I'll kneel and I'll pray. And sometimes things will happen, I'll get nervous, I'll get worried and I'll stop and I'll pray. But the things that trigger me in my life, there's very few of them. There's not enough. And it made me realize that I go through my life feeling pretty adequate to the things that God would ask me to do. And I think that when we don't pray a lot of spontaneous prayers, God be with me here, that's a pretty good sign that we're too prideful. We think too highly of ourselves. Or we think too little of God, one or the other. But I wonder what kinds of things trigger you to prayer. Because the reality is, the model that we see in Nehemiah, and the model that we see throughout the powerful prayers in Scripture, is that powerful prayers pray about everything all the time. Powerful prayers pray about everything all the time. People who are powerful in their prayer life, people who are people of prayer, are in constant prayer. It's not just the scheduled prayer where they wake up and they get on their knees and they pray, or the midday prayer, or the end of the day prayer. It's this constant communication with God. They pray about everything all the time. And that has to be true because it's the only explanation for Paul's little pithy throwaway instruction in 1 Thessalonians, I believe chapter 5, where he's wrapping up the book. He's writing a letter to the church in Thessalonica in the New Testament, and he's wrapping up the book. He's giving them five chapters worth of encouragement, and then he tells them, he gives them kind of a list of things like, hey, just to review, do these things. And one of the things that he just throws in there is if we're just supposed to receive it and do it all the time is he says, pray without ceasing. And whenever you read it, it's like, what are you, how man? Like I'm not a monk. I have things to do. I have a life. I have stuff I have to get accomplished. And even monks, they like make beer and honey and stuff. Like they got things. I don't know what happens in monasteries. Everybody has stuff to do. How do we pray without ceasing? It's got to be that we maintain this daily communication with God. I heard a story years ago that illustrates this point very well. And it's a totally made-up story. Somebody made it up. When they told us the story. They told us they made it up. This is not real. This is more of a parable. Okay. So there's a guy who is renowned in his church for the way that he prays. He is a person of prayer. He prays about everything all the time. He has this incredibly vibrant prayer life. And some other dudes in the church wanted to learn from this guy. They wanted to hear him pray. And so they got together and they figured that the best time to hear him pray is going to be his nighttime prayer. When he kneels beside his bed and he's praying before the end of the day and he's talking to God and he kind of downloads this whole day, this is going to be the best time to hear this guy's prayer. And so while that guy's out doing whatever he's doing, probably feeding the homeless or something, they go to his house, and they hide in his closet. Now this guy, this hypothetical non-existent person, is a single man without a wife, so it's not weird that they're in there, okay? They're not going to see anything they shouldn't see. So they're hiding in his closet, and dude comes in the bedroom, and he does his nighttime routine, and they're kind of sitting there waiting, and this is when he's going to kneel by his bed, right? So they're kind of waiting there, leaning in, and he doesn't kneel by his bed. He just gets into his bed, and they're like, oh, oh, he's going to go prostrate. He's going to go face down on the bed. This guy means it, but he doesn't do that. He just kind of gets in, and he rolls over on his side, and he reaches over, and he turns out the lamp, and he says, good night, Father. And he closes his eyes, and that's it. Because that man had been in prayer all day. That man woke up. He said, good morning, God. This is the day that you have made. Let me rejoice and be glad in it. It's yours. Let me be who you need me to be today. And then at one point or another, I'm sure that man had a time of scheduled prayer where he sat down and he prayed about all the things. And then as he went through his day, he kept God as an active participant in his day so that at the end of the day, when it was time to say goodnight, the only thing left to do was to say goodnight because he had been talking to God all day. This is the model of prayer that we are supposed to pursue. And I know that that might feel far off for some of us. I heard that story before and I've heard pray without ceasing and this attitude of prayer and I've sat you are, and I've thought, gosh, forget it. I barely can remember to pray every day. I don't pray for some of my meals. Like, I don't know if I can ever do that. And it might feel pretty impossible to be someone who wakes up talking to God, who goes throughout your day talking to God, and ends your day talking to God. But I don't love you if I don't put that in front of you as the standard. If I tell you that something short of that is actually what God wants for you, that praying without ceasing, that being people of prayer, that being people who have conversations with God throughout the day, every day, if I tell you that that's only for some Christians, that that's only for some churchgoers, that's only for some of God's children, then I'm lying to you and I don't love you. And so even though that goal may feel very far off, how dare me sell you short of what you should be and of what God wants you to be and of what he implores you to be through model after model and verse after verse in his word. We are to be people of prayer who exist in communication with God. And if you're not there yet and it feels very far off, that's okay. There's grace for that. But we cannot accept less than that. We must be people who pursue God in prayer. And there's so many reasons why, but I think one of the big ones is that when we pray, we confess. Do you know that every time you go to God in prayer, you are making an implicit confession with the simple act of praying. When I see Lily sleeping in her bedroom and I'm overwhelmed and I stop and I pray, I'm confessing in that prayer. God, I'm not big enough for this. God, I'm not adequate to raise this girl without scars that are going to send her into counseling later. I don't have the character to do it, God. I don't have the wisdom to do it, God. God, I can't see around corners, but you can, so I'm just asking you to be with her. God, I know that you created her as your workmanship to walk in those good works, but I don't know what those good works are, God, but you do. So would you please help me raise her in such a way that moves her towards what you intended her to be because I know that I'm inadequate for this. When we pray for our children, we confess that we are inadequate to make them who God wants them to be. And so we need God's help. When we go into a meeting, and before that meeting, maybe it's a difficult conversation. Maybe you're having lunch with a friend and they're going to ask you about a thing, or you have to ask them about a thing, and it's not going to be easy. As we go into that and we say, God, just please be with me as I go to meet with so-and-so. We confess. We confess that we don't have the wisdom for that conversation and that God does. We confess that God loves that person more than we do. We confess that God is going to be present there and that his spirit is needed to give me the words I need to say and to soften the ears and the heart of the person who has to hear them. We confess that God is needed there. Listen, when we're going into a business meeting in sterile, corporate, sometimes vulgar corporate America, when we go into those meetings, and before we go into those meetings, we pray. And we say, God, help me remember that I'm your agent here. Help me remember that they're your children too, that I'm about to meet with your sons and daughters, and that there's something bigger going on than just the decisions that we make or the deal that we close or the pitch that we agree upon. Help me remember, God, that there is something divine happening in that room when I get in there and that I need to be sensitive to it. Help me be sensitive to what everybody else in the room is experiencing. When we pray before we walk into a business meeting, we confess that there's something bigger than business happening in that room. So we stop and we pray. When I pray before a staff meeting, I confess that there's something more important than the day-to-day decisions that are going on in that room. I stop and I pray and I confess. When we schedule time and we pray about everything, it's a confession that we are inadequate for all of those things. And these confessions are important to make those confessions through prayer. It humbles us. It attunes us. It focuses us when we make these confessions. Every Sunday I pray before I come up. And one of the things that I pray is, God, thank you. Thank you for the opportunity to do this. And it confesses, right? It's a helpful thing for me to thank God for the opportunity to do it, to ask that my words would be a reflection of his words and would be helpful for his people. It's helpful for me to do that because it reminds me. God made me for this good work. He made me to teach and run my mouth. I didn't get good at it. I don't know if you think I'm good at it now. I don't really, I don't care if you do. But God gave me a gift to teach. But every time I thank him for the opportunity to express that gift, I acknowledge that it is a gift. I acknowledge and confess. He can take it from me whenever he wants. He can give someone else this stage whenever he wants. It is only by his grace and by his protection that I'm up here this week. And I hope Lord will and I'll be here next week. That's all up to God. And so when I confess that and I acknowledge it and then I get done and someone says, oh, that was good. Oh, that was helpful. I get to celebrate with them that God has worked in their life and that has been helpful, not that I did good because I've already confessed to God that this is his. When we pray, we confess. And by making those regular confessions in our lives, we put ourselves in a posture of humility before God and before others. We see other people as God's children or people who need to be turned on to God's love. Not projects or things that are in the way or simple coworkers or simple friends, but we see God's children. When we pray, we confess our own inadequacies, our need and reliance for God's wisdom rather than our own. I said earlier, I think I'm not triggered to pray enough because I think too highly of myself. I think that I'm too capable for things. I'd be willing to bet we all think that. I want us to be a church of powerful prayers. I want us to follow the model of Nehemiah, to have times that we schedule to pray, And maybe that can be your step of obedience this morning, is to schedule times of prayer. If you're a person who already does that, then maybe your step of obedience can be, God, help me open my eyes to the times that I need to pray. Help me see the times when I'm not doing it. Maybe we can create more triggers. Every time I'm going to make a phone call, every time I'm going to be in a meeting, every time I have a presentation, every time this happens, I will pray. Every time I drive home, I need to pray, God, give me grace for my children from 5.30 p.m. until 7 p.m. Let me be the dad that I need to be to them and not the one I feel like being. We need to set up things in our life where we need that remind us to pray. And I think that we need to acknowledge as we pray that we confess and think through what are the things that we are confessing with this prayer and let that confession humble us before God and for others. With that being said, let's pray together. Father, we love you. We trust you. We're grateful for you. We are thankful that even when we don't know what to pray, that the Holy Spirit intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words, and that even as an added help, your son sits at your right hand interceding for us on behalf of our prayers. God, make us a church filled with people of prayer. And in those prayers, may we confess our insufficiency in light of your all-sufficiency, your greater love for the objects of our prayers that we love so much. May we confess, Father, you as a source of all our wisdom, of all our peace, of all our strength. And may our bowed heads and bent knees acknowledge your sovereignty over this world and your lordship over us. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.
Well, good morning. It's good to see everybody, particularly the UNC fans this morning. If you don't know this about me, I'm wearing neutral colors, but that's really what we're wearing today. This is just to keep you guys from getting mad at me. I would like to personally thank Alan Hill, Kyle's future father-in-law, for inviting me to their UNC tailgate yesterday, where I was able to bring what is apparently my son, who is a good luck charm, and we won, which was great. And you'll have to forgive my exuberance. Georgia Tech doesn't get a lot to cheer for. This is essentially my national championship, okay? This is the one time in a calendar year I've been able to be proud to be a Georgia Tech Yellow Jacket. As a matter of fact, I think the last time was when we beat UNC last year in Atlanta. So I'm high on the hog right now. All right, thank you for indulging me that. I'm sorry, I'll settle down. But we are in the fifth part of our series called Powerful Prayers, where we're looking at prayers that we find in Scripture and just examining them, seeing what we can learn from them, from the heart that's revealed in them. And I thought that we would be remiss if we didn't ask the question for ourselves as we look at powerful prayers, how can we become more powerful prayers? How can we become more powerful and more consistent in our prayers, right? How can we be people of prayer? I know that for many of us, you share my experience. To be a Christian for a while is to hear things like, man, you should probably pray more. And instantly you go, yeah, I should. It's a thing that we know. So how do we go from knowing that we should pray more, that it should define us more, that we should be what's called people of prayer, people who are defined by a rich and vibrant prayer life? How do we go from knowing that to actually doing it, to actually experiencing it? How do we become more powerful prayers? And to answer this question, I think we can look at an example tucked away in an Old Testament story. We're going to be in the book of Nehemiah. Nehemiah is tough to find. If you don't know where it is, just use your table of contents. But turn there with me if you want to. We're going to be in chapters 1 and 2. Now, Nehemiah is one of my favorite stories in the Bible. I know that doesn't carry any weight with you guys because all the stories that I talk about are my favorite stories in the Bible. I get that. But I love the story of Nehemiah because it's such a great picture of how we are supposed to build God's church here as Grace Raleigh, but how God intends to build his church in Raleigh, how God intends to build his church in America, how God intends to build his church internationally. I think what we find in Nehemiah is examples and lessons for how God intends to build his church that have applications all over how we think of church. But I don't get to talk about that this morning. I just get to say it and hope that it sparks enough interest in you to go read it and figure it out for yourself. What I do get to focus on is the prayer life of Nehemiah. So I want to look at this instance, this little snapshot of his life at the beginning of his story. We encounter him when he is the cupbearer for King Artaxerxes. Now, Nehemiah is a Jewish man who was carried over after the Babylonians conquered Israel or Judea, and they carried the best and the brightest over to Babylon to be slaves. And clearly, Nehemiah was a sharp man. He was a trustworthy man because he made it up the ladder to where he is the cupbearer for the most powerful king in the world. This is the man, Artaxerxes, that called himself the king of kings. He was the king of Persia and Babylon and Egypt all at the same time. So we're going to call it the Babylonian empire, but it's really, it's even larger than that. And here Nehemiah finds himself as the cup bearer to King Artaxerxes. And one day Nehemiah gets word that his hometown Jerusalem has been just laid waste, that the walls are torn down, they're broken down, and the city has been destroyed. And this is a big deal in the ancient world for a city not to have walls, because when a city doesn't have walls, it has no defense. Anybody around it that wants to come in and take from the city whatever they want, just with enough swords can come in and take what they want. They have no defense. They lay vulnerable to the entire countryside, to the entire surrounding countries. This city is vulnerable to whatever they want to come and do to it. And so Nehemiah goes into this phase of fasting and mourning and sadness and prayer because he's distraught over his hometown, Jerusalem. And you've got to remember, too, it's not just finding out that your hometown has been ransacked. That hometown, I'm not going to get into it too much this morning, but that hometown represents promises from God that the Jewish people clung to all the way back to Abraham, all the way back to Genesis chapter 12. And so it's not just that the hometown lays in rubble, it's that he's feeling that his promises from God need to be restored. And so in his spirit, he's wrestling with all this and trying to figure out what to do. And so when he heard this news, this is Nehemiah's response. In chapter 1, O Lord God of heaven, the great and awesome God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keeps his commandment. And then in verse six, I just go on. Let your ear be attentive and your eyes open to hear the prayer of your servant that I now pray before you day and night for the people of Israel, your servants. And so he goes on and on praying, but he essentially prays that Israel would be restored. God, hear my prayer. Hear the prayer of your servants in Israel. Restore Jerusalem to its former glory. Let the walls be rebuilt. And in the interim, you know that Nehemiah, it's implied all throughout the passage, is wondering, what can I do? How can I help? God, what would you have me do to fix this problem? I'm a thousand miles away, the cupbearer for a king. How could I possibly help repair the walls of Jerusalem? But I guess at some point or another, he gets an idea. And we see him admit to this idea in Nehemiah chapter 2, when he's in the throne room of Artaxerxes. And Artaxerxes notices that he's sad. And this is not a good thing because when you serve the ancient kings, you needed to be glad to be in their presence. You needed to be happy, okay? You had to fake it until you made it. You did not want to be bummed out and depressed and bring in your bad mood into their presence. But Artaxerxes cares about Nehemiah, and he notices that he's downtrodden. He notices that he's been bummed out the last little while, and so he asks him about it. And this is the interchange between the two of them in Nehemiah 2, verses 2 through 5. Yeah, why should not my face be sad when the city, the place of my father's graves lies in ruins and its gates have been destroyed by fire? Then the king said to me, what are you requesting? So I prayed to the God of heaven and I said to the king, if it pleases the king and if your servant has found favor in your sight, then you send me to Judah, to the city of my father's graves, that I might rebuild it. So he's in the presence of the king. And he's clearly depressed. And the king says, Nehemiah, what's been going on, man? You're sad. You're sulking. You're not sick. So your heart is sick. What's going on? And he was afraid, but he admitted to it. The city of my fathers and my grandfathers has been torn to rubble. And then Artaxerxes says, what are you asking? What are you requesting? And then I love that phrase that he stopped, he paused. Nehemiah paused in the middle of what was going on and he offered a prayer to the God in heaven. And he asked for a blessing from God before he asked for the blessing from Artaxerxes. God, I'm about to ask this really bold thing. God, this request could potentially cost me some jail time or my life if he decides he's in a bad mood. So I need you to bless this for me real quick and just confirm for me that this is actually the idea that you placed in my mind before I submitted to the king. So he stops and he prays. He says, God, bless this. And then he turns to Artaxerxes and he tells him what he wants to do. And Artaxerxes is moved by Nehemiah, cares for his servant, and releases him to do that. Not only does he release him to do that, but he hands him a letter. It's a letter of free passage through each province between Babylon and Jerusalem. And it's a letter that once he gets to Jerusalem, that he can get all of the lumber and all of the stone that he needs to complete the wall and he can bill it to Artaxerxes himself. So it went pretty well for Nehemiah. But the reason I'm focusing on the story when we ask the question, how do we become more powerful prayers, is because Nehemiah models the importance of scheduled and spontaneous prayers. In Nehemiah, we find the model of a life of a person who is a person of prayer. He models both scheduled and spontaneous prayers. He models scheduled prayers. When he heard about the destruction of Jerusalem, he went into a time of mourning and fasting. He picked the time when he was gonna sit down and more likely kneel before the Father. And just as an aside, in your prayers, if you're able, I don't know if some of us are not, if you're able to kneel when you pray, it really changes your mindset as you pray. I would encourage you as a regular practice to be someone who kneels when you can. But Nehemiah was likely kneeling to pray. He set this time aside and he poured his heart out to God. He prayed everything that was on his heart. And so he models for us scheduled prayers. The greatest model for us of scheduled prayers in the Bible that I see is Daniel. Daniel set aside three times a day to pray. And we've preached about him before. But that's the first place where I would push you a little bit. In your own prayer life, whatever your regularity is, however much you pray, however often it is, if it's not very often at all or if it's very, very regularly, I would encourage you to follow the model and the example of Nehemiah and of Daniel and schedule your times to pray. And we all know this is true. You've heard this before. People have told you this. You've heard this in seminars. You hear this in corporate world. We hear it in church world. Someone, one of your friends has told it to you over lunch as if they've unearthed some sort of wisdom that's never occurred to you before when they tell you, if you don't schedule it, it won't happen, right? We know that. We know that to be true. This is America. We schedule things. We're very busy. We're the busiest. We have not, Europe has figured it out. We have not figured it out. We're a bunch of dum-dums. We just, I mean, every block of time that we have is scheduled out. And so what we know is if we don't schedule it, it's not going to happen. How many of you, don't raise your hand, but how many of you have left church or left a small group or read a book, something that emphasized prayer and thought to yourself, I'm gonna pray more. But you didn't pick a time to do it. You didn't commit to a set schedule of it. And then you didn't pray more. I think it's probably happened to all of us. It might sound unspiritual to schedule your prayer, but I'm telling you it's one of the most spiritual things you can do. I would recommend starting with prayer in the morning. I've said it since I started here. I'll say it until you guys get rid of me. But the single most important habit anyone can develop in their life is to wake up every day and spend time in God's Word and time in prayer. You've got to schedule your time in prayer and you've got to figure out what works for you. There was a season of my life where I set my alarm a little bit early and I thought the first thing I'm going to do during the day to begin my day is pray. And my alarm would go off and I would swing my legs out of the bed and I would kneel on the bed and I would pray and then I would wake up and there would be drool in my beard. And I would think, this seems to be an unsuccessful practice. I need to schedule this a little bit better. So I learned for myself that I need to get up. I need to have coffee. I need to read God's word. And then let God's word push me into prayer. So that's been my pattern and habit. And then after I pray, just if this helps anybody, I have a book that I'm reading that's spiritually encouraging. So my practice and my devotionals is to wake up, get a cup of coffee, perk up, be somewhere with a little bit of light, but not too much light. I mean, come on, you don't want to ruin it. And then read God's word, let God's word carry me into prayer. And then I read whatever spiritually encouraging book I'm reading until a child makes a noise and ruins my peace, right? That's what I do. But we've got to have these times that we schedule. That used to be what I do. I do that on the weekends now as much as I can. But now what I do is I just get up and I get after it and I get Lily to school and I get into the office and I'm usually here first because Lily has to be at school earlier than everybody else has to get up. And that's when I have my time of prayer. But you need to pick a time for prayer that works for you. You need to schedule it. There was a season of my life where I set an alarm that went off every day at three o'clock and I would pause at three o'clock and I would pray. I'm not that spiritual anymore. I don't do that. I missed pray, but I do know that if you don't schedule it, it won't happen. So maybe the first baby step for you in being a person of prayer is to schedule a time of prayer. And I'll just tell you this too, practically as your pastor, if you're sitting there right now and you're like, yeah, I'm gonna do that. Tomorrow morning, I'm gonna get up, I'm gonna do a couple things, I'm gonna pray. Tomorrow when I have the space, when I park, I'm gonna get to the office five minutes early and I'm gonna pray. Whatever it is, however it is, you figure out how you can begin to be a person of prayer and you intend to pray tomorrow or later today. I'll just tell you, the first time you pray, you're gonna really mean it. You're gonna last about two and a half minutes and you're gonna be done and you'll be like, God, I'm sorry, I ran out of things to pray. And you're going to feel like a terrible Christian. That's because you are. I'm just messing around. You're going to feel like a terrible Christian, but you're not a terrible Christian. You just haven't developed the pattern and the habit of prayer. So just let two and a half minutes be two and a half minutes. And the next day, pray for three minutes. And the next day, pray for three minutes. Just pray. Just talk to God. Pour out what's on your heart to him. Schedule a time to prayer and then pray about whatever it is you're supposed to pray about. And I tell you, if you do that day after day, you'll start praying longer. If you do that day after day, you'll learn the art of listening prayer, of just sitting in stillness in the presence of God and trying to hear him and be encouraged by him and receive love from him. But you don't just start on day one praying these 45-minute prayers that are 15 minutes of silence and other stuff. So just take the baby step, start the prayers, and start to make your way to being a person of prayer. Now the other thing Nehemiah does is he models for us spontaneous prayers. Just these single shot prayers as he goes throughout his life. He's just going throughout his life. He's just going throughout his day. He doesn't stop in mid-conversation with King Artaxerxes and say, hang on King, and kneel down and pour out this elaborate prayer. No, he just says, God, bless me. Like, let's see what he says. So I prayed to the God of heaven. That's it. So God, bless this conversation as I'm about to have this conversation. Bless the thing I'm about to do. He just stops, he pauses, gives a momentary mental, God, I need you, and then he steps into what he needs to step into. And this is the pattern of prayer that we need to follow. These spontaneous prayers as we go into and out of different situations to just stop and say, God, I'm inviting you into this situation. God, I'm not enough for this situation. God, I need you in this situation. God, I need you in this conversation. I need you to calm me down right now because I'm about to lose my mind. Whatever it is, he models for us this time of scheduled prayer and this time of spontaneous prayer. And as I read the story, I began to wonder about us. And really, I began to wonder about me. Because I'll confess to you, I don't pray enough spontaneous prayers. I don't stop enough times throughout my day and go, God, just be with me as I go into this lunch meeting. I mean, I was thinking about it, and I don't pray before staff meetings. We have a staff meeting every Tuesday. And this last staff meeting, we got in there and we went to plan the semester. To plan next semester, the series from January all the way to Mother's Day. And we prayed as a group in there. And I prayed earlier in the day. But going into that meeting, I didn't stop and pray, God, just bless this time, just be with me as I lead us through this. What's the matter with me? Why doesn't that trigger my prayers? Why aren't we triggered to prayer more? And it just made me wonder what actually triggers our prayers. What is it in your life that makes you stop and go, yeah, I'm gonna pray real quick? Whether we, like, one of the things that triggers my prayer sometimes is when I go inside my kid's bedroom and I look at my sleeping children. If you're a parent and that doesn't trigger the occasional prayer, you're broken on the inside. It's even worse than not liking dogs. You're totally dead on the inside. And I'll go in and I'll see Lily lying there and I'll kind of just be overwhelmed and I'll kneel and I'll pray. And sometimes things will happen, I'll get nervous, I'll get worried and I'll stop and I'll pray. But the things that trigger me in my life, there's very few of them. There's not enough. And it made me realize that I go through my life feeling pretty adequate to the things that God would ask me to do. And I think that when we don't pray a lot of spontaneous prayers, God be with me here, that's a pretty good sign that we're too prideful. We think too highly of ourselves. Or we think too little of God, one or the other. But I wonder what kinds of things trigger you to prayer. Because the reality is, the model that we see in Nehemiah, and the model that we see throughout the powerful prayers in Scripture, is that powerful prayers pray about everything all the time. Powerful prayers pray about everything all the time. People who are powerful in their prayer life, people who are people of prayer, are in constant prayer. It's not just the scheduled prayer where they wake up and they get on their knees and they pray, or the midday prayer, or the end of the day prayer. It's this constant communication with God. They pray about everything all the time. And that has to be true because it's the only explanation for Paul's little pithy throwaway instruction in 1 Thessalonians, I believe chapter 5, where he's wrapping up the book. He's writing a letter to the church in Thessalonica in the New Testament, and he's wrapping up the book. He's giving them five chapters worth of encouragement, and then he tells them, he gives them kind of a list of things like, hey, just to review, do these things. And one of the things that he just throws in there is if we're just supposed to receive it and do it all the time is he says, pray without ceasing. And whenever you read it, it's like, what are you, how man? Like I'm not a monk. I have things to do. I have a life. I have stuff I have to get accomplished. And even monks, they like make beer and honey and stuff. Like they got things. I don't know what happens in monasteries. Everybody has stuff to do. How do we pray without ceasing? It's got to be that we maintain this daily communication with God. I heard a story years ago that illustrates this point very well. And it's a totally made-up story. Somebody made it up. When they told us the story. They told us they made it up. This is not real. This is more of a parable. Okay. So there's a guy who is renowned in his church for the way that he prays. He is a person of prayer. He prays about everything all the time. He has this incredibly vibrant prayer life. And some other dudes in the church wanted to learn from this guy. They wanted to hear him pray. And so they got together and they figured that the best time to hear him pray is going to be his nighttime prayer. When he kneels beside his bed and he's praying before the end of the day and he's talking to God and he kind of downloads this whole day, this is going to be the best time to hear this guy's prayer. And so while that guy's out doing whatever he's doing, probably feeding the homeless or something, they go to his house, and they hide in his closet. Now this guy, this hypothetical non-existent person, is a single man without a wife, so it's not weird that they're in there, okay? They're not going to see anything they shouldn't see. So they're hiding in his closet, and dude comes in the bedroom, and he does his nighttime routine, and they're kind of sitting there waiting, and this is when he's going to kneel by his bed, right? So they're kind of waiting there, leaning in, and he doesn't kneel by his bed. He just gets into his bed, and they're like, oh, oh, he's going to go prostrate. He's going to go face down on the bed. This guy means it, but he doesn't do that. He just kind of gets in, and he rolls over on his side, and he reaches over, and he turns out the lamp, and he says, good night, Father. And he closes his eyes, and that's it. Because that man had been in prayer all day. That man woke up. He said, good morning, God. This is the day that you have made. Let me rejoice and be glad in it. It's yours. Let me be who you need me to be today. And then at one point or another, I'm sure that man had a time of scheduled prayer where he sat down and he prayed about all the things. And then as he went through his day, he kept God as an active participant in his day so that at the end of the day, when it was time to say goodnight, the only thing left to do was to say goodnight because he had been talking to God all day. This is the model of prayer that we are supposed to pursue. And I know that that might feel far off for some of us. I heard that story before and I've heard pray without ceasing and this attitude of prayer and I've sat you are, and I've thought, gosh, forget it. I barely can remember to pray every day. I don't pray for some of my meals. Like, I don't know if I can ever do that. And it might feel pretty impossible to be someone who wakes up talking to God, who goes throughout your day talking to God, and ends your day talking to God. But I don't love you if I don't put that in front of you as the standard. If I tell you that something short of that is actually what God wants for you, that praying without ceasing, that being people of prayer, that being people who have conversations with God throughout the day, every day, if I tell you that that's only for some Christians, that that's only for some churchgoers, that's only for some of God's children, then I'm lying to you and I don't love you. And so even though that goal may feel very far off, how dare me sell you short of what you should be and of what God wants you to be and of what he implores you to be through model after model and verse after verse in his word. We are to be people of prayer who exist in communication with God. And if you're not there yet and it feels very far off, that's okay. There's grace for that. But we cannot accept less than that. We must be people who pursue God in prayer. And there's so many reasons why, but I think one of the big ones is that when we pray, we confess. Do you know that every time you go to God in prayer, you are making an implicit confession with the simple act of praying. When I see Lily sleeping in her bedroom and I'm overwhelmed and I stop and I pray, I'm confessing in that prayer. God, I'm not big enough for this. God, I'm not adequate to raise this girl without scars that are going to send her into counseling later. I don't have the character to do it, God. I don't have the wisdom to do it, God. God, I can't see around corners, but you can, so I'm just asking you to be with her. God, I know that you created her as your workmanship to walk in those good works, but I don't know what those good works are, God, but you do. So would you please help me raise her in such a way that moves her towards what you intended her to be because I know that I'm inadequate for this. When we pray for our children, we confess that we are inadequate to make them who God wants them to be. And so we need God's help. When we go into a meeting, and before that meeting, maybe it's a difficult conversation. Maybe you're having lunch with a friend and they're going to ask you about a thing, or you have to ask them about a thing, and it's not going to be easy. As we go into that and we say, God, just please be with me as I go to meet with so-and-so. We confess. We confess that we don't have the wisdom for that conversation and that God does. We confess that God loves that person more than we do. We confess that God is going to be present there and that his spirit is needed to give me the words I need to say and to soften the ears and the heart of the person who has to hear them. We confess that God is needed there. Listen, when we're going into a business meeting in sterile, corporate, sometimes vulgar corporate America, when we go into those meetings, and before we go into those meetings, we pray. And we say, God, help me remember that I'm your agent here. Help me remember that they're your children too, that I'm about to meet with your sons and daughters, and that there's something bigger going on than just the decisions that we make or the deal that we close or the pitch that we agree upon. Help me remember, God, that there is something divine happening in that room when I get in there and that I need to be sensitive to it. Help me be sensitive to what everybody else in the room is experiencing. When we pray before we walk into a business meeting, we confess that there's something bigger than business happening in that room. So we stop and we pray. When I pray before a staff meeting, I confess that there's something more important than the day-to-day decisions that are going on in that room. I stop and I pray and I confess. When we schedule time and we pray about everything, it's a confession that we are inadequate for all of those things. And these confessions are important to make those confessions through prayer. It humbles us. It attunes us. It focuses us when we make these confessions. Every Sunday I pray before I come up. And one of the things that I pray is, God, thank you. Thank you for the opportunity to do this. And it confesses, right? It's a helpful thing for me to thank God for the opportunity to do it, to ask that my words would be a reflection of his words and would be helpful for his people. It's helpful for me to do that because it reminds me. God made me for this good work. He made me to teach and run my mouth. I didn't get good at it. I don't know if you think I'm good at it now. I don't really, I don't care if you do. But God gave me a gift to teach. But every time I thank him for the opportunity to express that gift, I acknowledge that it is a gift. I acknowledge and confess. He can take it from me whenever he wants. He can give someone else this stage whenever he wants. It is only by his grace and by his protection that I'm up here this week. And I hope Lord will and I'll be here next week. That's all up to God. And so when I confess that and I acknowledge it and then I get done and someone says, oh, that was good. Oh, that was helpful. I get to celebrate with them that God has worked in their life and that has been helpful, not that I did good because I've already confessed to God that this is his. When we pray, we confess. And by making those regular confessions in our lives, we put ourselves in a posture of humility before God and before others. We see other people as God's children or people who need to be turned on to God's love. Not projects or things that are in the way or simple coworkers or simple friends, but we see God's children. When we pray, we confess our own inadequacies, our need and reliance for God's wisdom rather than our own. I said earlier, I think I'm not triggered to pray enough because I think too highly of myself. I think that I'm too capable for things. I'd be willing to bet we all think that. I want us to be a church of powerful prayers. I want us to follow the model of Nehemiah, to have times that we schedule to pray, And maybe that can be your step of obedience this morning, is to schedule times of prayer. If you're a person who already does that, then maybe your step of obedience can be, God, help me open my eyes to the times that I need to pray. Help me see the times when I'm not doing it. Maybe we can create more triggers. Every time I'm going to make a phone call, every time I'm going to be in a meeting, every time I have a presentation, every time this happens, I will pray. Every time I drive home, I need to pray, God, give me grace for my children from 5.30 p.m. until 7 p.m. Let me be the dad that I need to be to them and not the one I feel like being. We need to set up things in our life where we need that remind us to pray. And I think that we need to acknowledge as we pray that we confess and think through what are the things that we are confessing with this prayer and let that confession humble us before God and for others. With that being said, let's pray together. Father, we love you. We trust you. We're grateful for you. We are thankful that even when we don't know what to pray, that the Holy Spirit intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words, and that even as an added help, your son sits at your right hand interceding for us on behalf of our prayers. God, make us a church filled with people of prayer. And in those prayers, may we confess our insufficiency in light of your all-sufficiency, your greater love for the objects of our prayers that we love so much. May we confess, Father, you as a source of all our wisdom, of all our peace, of all our strength. And may our bowed heads and bent knees acknowledge your sovereignty over this world and your lordship over us. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.
Sometimes in life, we simply need to pause. We need to stop and sit and rest and think and reflect. In these moments of rest, often what we need most is for God to refresh us. We need Him to speak to us and breathe fresh life into us. We need for God to move and restore and encourage. This is why we observe Lent. It is a moment for us amidst all the busyness of our years to pause and focus on Jesus. Lent reminds us of what Jesus has done for us, how much he loves us and how he relentlessly pursues us. So let us together right now, be still and set our collective focus on Jesus, asking him to speak to us in this holy pause. Good morning, everybody. My name is Nate. I get to be one of the pastors here. It's good to see you on this Sunday. As your pastor, I should tell you that if you attend church on Spring Forward Sunday, you do get an extra jewel in your crown in heaven. That's just scriptural. It's in Revelation. You can look it up yourself, particularly if your basketball team lost last night and then you got up anyways. Boy, howdy. That's two jewels. Well done. Good for you. The love of Jesus is strong in you. That's great. Or maybe after your attitude, you just needed some church. I don't know. One way or the other. Before I just launch into this, I don't do this very often, but I kind of thought it was pretty sweet, and I wanted you guys to be able to just, I don't know, celebrate it, know it too. But Jeff, he's standing up over there, so we can all look at him again. He led us in Amazing Grace. He shared with me before the service that that was the first time that he led Amazing Grace since his dad's funeral. So we're grateful for Jeff. Thanks, man. All right, that's good. Just relax. It's tough enough as it is. Yeah, so we're in the middle of our series called Lent. We're observing Lent as a church for the first time since I've been here, and I sincerely hope that you guys, if you're a partner of grace, that you have been following along, that you've been participating. We've got the devotionals available. There's still some on the information table and they're available on the website in PDF form if you prefer that way. But hopefully you're following along and reading those every day along with the rest of the church. I love all the different voices that speak into it. And as an aside, what a gift when you're a pastor to get to, for me, I write sermons on Tuesday. So what a gift it is on Tuesday to sit down and be like, okay, I'm preaching on this topic this week. Let me open this handy book and see what five wise, godly people in my church think about this topic and then steal their ideas and make it my sermon. Like, this is fantastic. We're going to do a lot more devotional writing, I think. But it's been really cool to let other voices speak into us, and I've really enjoyed that. And I hope that you're fasting as well, that you picked something to fast from during this period. And just by way of reminder, if the fast to you never gets past just grinning and bearing it, like I've given up sweets or I've given up Coke or I've given up whatever it is, and all you're doing is getting through another day and going, yes, I didn't do the thing I wasn't supposed to do, then it's really, the fast isn't really serving you spiritually because a want for that thing is supposed to take us and put our eyes on Jesus. It's supposed to remind us that this is how we should long for Christ. So there's a second place to go when we fast, and I hope that you're going there as you're experiencing your fast as well. Now this morning, as Kyle said at the beginning of the service, we're focused on stillness. We've been talking about stillness in the devotionals this week. That's what you have read this week to kind of prepare our hearts for this service. And that's where we want to put our focus is simply on being still. And so as we put our focus there for the sermon, I would bring our attention to the same place that one of our devotional writers brought it, to Psalm 62. Kelsey Healy wrote this devotion, and I loved the psalm that she kind of used as her launching point, and so I thought I would start us here as well this morning. But in Psalm 62, the psalmist writes this, And I think that that struck me this week as I considered this message and this topic because of that word silence. And I thought to myself, and I wanted to pose to you guys this morning, when is the last time you experienced silence? When is, like, seriously, when is the last time you comfortably and by choice sat in silence? And I don't mean lack of audible noise. I also mean lack of mental noise, lack of distraction, in silence with nothing else, simply waiting on the Father and inviting him to speak. I started out the devotion, I wrote a little note to kind of set up this season of Lent, and I use the passage from Samuel when he says, speak, Lord, for your servant hears. When is the last time in our lives we sat in silence with no noise or clutter to distract us, and we said, speak, Lord, for your servant hears. Like, God, talk to me. I'm listening. I'm here. I'm waiting. Whenever you're ready to speak, I'm ready to listen. Because there's a waiting there. I think sometimes we go, okay, God, I'm ready to hear from you. And then it doesn't happen right away. We don't look up and see the sun shining on a particular bird that tells us a thing that we were wondering about. And so we just go, well, God's not speaking to me today. And we go on with our day, and we didn't sit in silence. And it just made me wonder, when's the last time you chose silence? When it was quiet. And to stifle the quiet, you didn't pick up your phone. You didn't let your mind start to race about that thing that's making you anxious. You didn't start to solve the unsolvable problem and start to try to control the uncontrollable events. When is the last time we sat in silence? And here's the other thing that occurred to me about the effort to sit in silence and stillness before God and wait for him. We exist in a period of time in all of human history where it is incredibly difficult to choose silence. It has never, ever, ever been harder to avoid distraction than it is in 2022. And I mean, I kind of think about that and just the clutter and the noise that exists in our life and how it would be processed by someone who was around in the time of the Bible, by someone who was part of an agrarian society 2,000 years ago, and how they would process all the noise and clutter in our life, I think it would be a little bit like taking them on a tour of a gym. Whenever I go to the gym, which is all the time, I chuckle a little bit because I look at all the contraptions that we have set up and they're really just set up to simulate ancient life because we don't need to do any of that stuff anymore. And I've thought about how fun it would be to take like an ancient hunter-gatherer and bring them to lifetime and just let them look around, you know? And be like, what's that over there? Well, that's a treadmill, man. Well, they're just walking. Like, yeah, that's what you do on a treadmill. Well, why didn't, like, they don't live here, do they? Like, no. Why don't they just, like, walk here? Well, we have, dude, we have cars. What do you think, man? Like, we got cars, buddy. We drive here so that we can walk in place around other people. We don't need to do that anymore. What's that guy doing over there? Well, that's called the bench press. Why is he doing that? Well, so he can develop muscles in his chest. Why doesn't he just like hunt? And like, doesn't his life require him to pick up heavy things? No, never. We pay people to pick up heavy things. We don't do that. Basically, if we don't come to the gym and simulate your life, we waste away as frail and fat, like just fragile people over the course of time, if we don't try to simulate your life. I think it would be so foreign to them what happens there that I think similarly, trying to explain to a person who would have originally read Scripture, to whom Scripture was originally written, trying to explain to them the clutter in our life would be equally challenging. Before electricity, you put the kids to bed, and what do you do? They didn't have books. Only the most wealthy people had scrolls. And if you do, I mean, you've only got a couple. How many times are you going to read that scroll, man? Like, what do you do? You can't pick up your phone and scroll Twitter. You can't turn on the TV. You can't grab a magazine. You can't call a friend. What do you do? You sit there. You just be still. You think about your day. Talk to your spouse. When you're on the hills shepherding all day and the sheep are eating and you can't pick up the phone, what do you do? Well, you sit. You're silent. You wait. And it's worth, I think, pointing out this unique challenge that we face for stillness and silence in our lives. Because it is so vastly different from a large swath of human history. And it makes me wonder, can this possibly be good for us as people, for our spiritual health, for our mental health? Can it possibly be good for us to be so distracted and so diverted all the time? Can it possibly be good for us to cure our boredom this quickly? That can't possibly be healthy. Surely, surely the enemy looks at our devices and is delighted with the distraction that they provide. And surely the Father looks at the clutter and does not marvel at the fact that he struggles to make it through that clutter into our hearts and into our lives and into our ears. And so, I think that the point that my wife Jen made this week as she and I were discussing this is a good one. That being still requires an action step. Now more than ever, if we want to be still, if we want to be silent, we're not going to stumble into it. It's not going to happen by default. It's not going to happen while we're watching the sheep, right? We're not going to stumble on it. We have to choose stillness. It requires an action step. It requires us to actually do it. And this is modeled for us by Christ. Jesus models for us this choosing of stillness. And I can't imagine what it must have been like to be Jesus in ancient Israel. And every city you go to and every little town you go to and every street you walk down, people are clamoring towards you and they want and they want and they want and they need and they need and they need. So the only way for Jesus to just take a breath was to do what is said in Mark 1 35 that Doug read for us at the beginning of the service when he says, and rising very early in the morning while it was still dark, he departed and went out to a desolate place. And there he prayed. Jesus models this choosing of stillness for us. And that's not the only place it shows up in the gospels. He does it over and over again where he goes away to pray. And without fail, this is not the point of the sermon, but it's just worth pointing out about our Jesus. I marvel at the fact that he would go and pray and be still. And as soon as he would say amen and take a step back towards civilization, he was covered up with people who wanted, wanted, wanted, wanted, wanted. And to me, I don't need anything else to prove to me the moral perfection of Christ than to see his relentless patience and grace with the crowds that swarmed him. Because let me tell you, who would not have that patience? I marvel at that. But Jesus models for us this need to choose stillness. And so I wanted to put in front of you this morning the thought exercise. Let's take a minute, and actually I'm inviting you into this thought with me. You answer this question in your head, not to one another, because that would be distracting to me as I try to preach, but answer this question of what would it look like for you to choose stillness? What would that require of you? What kind of action step do you need to take to choose stillness, to join God in the stillness that he's created for you and invited you into? Is it a quiet car ride? Maybe there's a consistent car ride throughout your week. To work, back home from work, to lunch, something. Maybe there's a daily time when you're in the car and maybe for that car ride, you could choose to put the phone in the center console and refuse to look at it and not be notified about anything and not turn on the podcast and not turn on the music to just drown out the noise, to distract you from the silence, but choose to sit in silence and talk to God and wait on him to speak to you. One of the things that I've tried to start doing with varying degrees of success is that this helps me have a moment of stillness in the middle of my day. When I have a lunch meeting, I usually try to get to the lunch meeting early because I don't like to be the pastor that shows up after the people with real jobs, all right? So I feel like I need to show up early and look good and get a good table for us. And so I'm usually, I've got about 10 to 15 minutes to spare. And I try to sit there and not pull out my phone during that time. And just say, okay, God, I'm here. What do you got? Is there something in this conversation? Is there something in this meeting that I need to listen to or lean into? Is there something coming up? You know, my heart's restless about this. Help me trust you. Whatever it is. it's just a little pocket of stillness that I've intentionally chosen. Like, okay, here I can be quiet and not invite other noise into my life. When I was running, past tense, I would, I looked forward to the runs because I would put in my AirPods and listen to a book. And there were good books. I mean, it wasn't like, you know, anyways, I thought of 12 jokes there that I was like, nope, nope, no, no, can't make that joke. So anyways, they were good books, all right? They were helpful books. But one day I forgot my AirPods. I think I went home from church to run and I left them here. I was like, oh shoot, this is going to be the worst. But I ran in silence with my thoughts and it was great. And so then I started picking one run a week where I'm just going to do this one with just me and God and no other noise. And it was a good time. Maybe for you, you get up early. You go to bed early, earlier than you normally do so that you can get up earlier than you normally do, which I realize is a particularly cruel challenge on Spring Forward Sunday, but let's just consider it. Maybe when we eat lunch in our office, we don't turn on the thing that we normally turn on or read the thing that we normally read. Maybe we just sit and we invite God into that space. What does it look like for you to choose stillness? And as I contemplated stillness this week, it also occurred to me that you don't have to be still to be still. You don't have to be still to be still before God. You can be still before God while you do your yard work. You can be still before God while you go on your hike, while you go on your run, while you fold clothes, while you do the mindless things that life requires of you. We can all choose pockets to be still before the Father, to crowd out the rest of the noise, and to invite him into that space. And to say, speak, Lord, your servant hears. I'm listening. What do you have? And in that silence, as we're told in the psalm that we started with, wait. Wait for him. Focus on him. Wait. Allow God in his time, in his way, to speak into you. Don't rush him. His timing is perfect. He will move when He wants. The Spirit will move when it wants. But we need to choose these moments of stillness because we need to acknowledge that they will not happen by default. They will not happen by accident. God ushers us into them, and we should respond to that. All through the Bible are calls to stillness. The most famous instruction is Psalm 46.10, right? Be still and know that I am God. Just calm down. Just stop. Just quit thinking about all the other stuff. The stuff that your mind is racing on, the things that you can't control. The things that you're anxious about. The unsolvable problems that are keeping you up at night. Be still and know that I am God. Trying to figure out Christianity and all the things and what to believe and where to go and what to do and what's going to please God and how do I even navigate this and am I doing it right? Be still and know that he is God. Let's start there. There's a reason that God throughout scripture invites us into stillness with him. There's a reason that Jesus throughout his ministry intentionally seeks that stillness with his Father. And I think that there are more reasons than this, but the three reasons I would give you are this. Stillness tunes, settles, and anchors our hearts. Stillness before God where we wait for him in silence. Tunes, settles, and anchors our hearts. Stillness before God tunes our heart to his. It aligns our heart with God's heart. It sets us in the morning. It sets us in midday. It sets us in the evening where we are aligning ourselves with God's heart, where we are making space for him to speak into us, where he reminds us that we are his child. The psalmist writes that if we delight ourselves in the laws of the Lord, that he will give us the desires of our hearts. And that doesn't happen. That makes it sound like if we just love the Bible and we love God and we delight ourself in God's laws and he's going to give us what we want. We're going to have yachts and like lots of money and sweet golf course memberships. If we just delight ourselves in the laws of God, then we're going to get all the things that we want. And that's not really how that works. The way that works is the more we delight ourselves in the laws of God, the more we delight ourselves in the presence of God, the more we take joy in the things that bring joy to the heart of God, the more our hearts begin to be attuned with God and beat with God for the same things. And so by delighting ourselves in God's law and in God's love and in God's presence, he aligns our hearts with his so that our will becomes a mirror of his will. And we know that sovereign God brings about his good and perfect will. And then lo and behold, all the things that we want because we've delighted in him and allowed him to attune us to him, they happen. He gives us the desires of our hearts. Why? Because we are attuned to him. Because we are aligned to him. Through making space. Not because we pursued him. Not because of something we did. Through simply choosing to make space for God to speak into us. And I think, for what it's worth, that this is how we be obedient to all the verses that I kind of think of as consistency verses. The instructions in Thessalonians to pray without ceasing. How do you do that? How do you go through your whole day in a conversation with God? Well, I don't know, but I bet it starts with tuning our heart to God. I bet it starts with making some stillness and seeking his presence and setting that as the beginning of our day and setting a midpoint and setting an end of our day. I bet it starts with pursuing the presence of God. Philippians 4.8, you know, finally, brothers, whatever things are true or noble or trustworthy or praiseworthy or of good report, think upon these things. How do we do that? How do we think upon things that only honor God and none of the garbage that doesn't honor God? I don't know, but I bet it starts with tuning our heart to God in stillness and in prayer. I think being still intentionally and regularly is something that begins to tune our hearts to God's heart and makes us grow in who we are as believers and walk in obedience to those consistency scriptures that seem so challenging to us. Stillness not only tunes our heart to God, but it settles our heart before God. You know, there's, this has been for the Rector family a little bit of a stressful week. Not for anything extraordinary, just life stuff, man. Just stuff going on. And it's been stressful. And I went to bed last night thinking about things, and I woke up this morning thinking about things. And I was thinking about everything but the sermon. And I got to my office, and I sat down, and I was having a hard time focusing, and so I just prayed. And it occurred to me, I don't know if it was the Holy Spirit or just me actually drinking enough coffee to think, but it occurred to me, why don't you, like, just for once, practice what you preach and be still for a second? And so I was still. And in the stillness, I was reminded, hey, the things that you care about, I care about too. The things that matter a lot to you, they matter to me. And guess what? I'm God. So I'll work it out, man. And the things that are supposed to happen are going to happen. And you can't control them. So why don't you just rest easy in me? Because I've got a plan. And then it's like, cool. Great. Sorry. Sorry about all that. The last 12 hours were dumb. I apologize, God. And then you can just preach and go and do. When we seek out stillness and invite God into our space and wait and listen, the things that seemed such a big deal, the things that seemed so heavy, God takes from us. It settles our hearts. He says, you don't need to carry that anxiety. I've got it. You don't need to try to solve the unsolvables and conquer the unconquerables. I've got it. Why don't you just be still and know that I am God? When we choose stillness, it settles our hearts before God. It offers us that peace that passes all understanding that Paul talks about in Philippians. When he tells us in prayer and in stillness, don't be anxious for anything, but through everything, with prayer and petition, present your request to God and the God of peace, who transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Where is that found? It's found in stillness before the Father. It tunes our hearts. Stillness settles our hearts. And stillness anchors our hearts. The world will send us a lot of messages about who we are. You're attractive or you're not. You're valuable or you're not. You're successful or you're not. You're loved or you're not. It'll tell us a lot of things about who we are. But in the presence of God, we are reminded, no, no, no, you're my beloved child who I dearly love, who I sent my son to die on the cross for, to rescue you and claim you into eternity with me. I love you so much that I wanted to share my perfection in heaven with you. And even though you're so broken that you can't get here on your own, I sent my son to die for you, to claim you into my kingdom. I love you. And when we sit in the presence of God, he has a way of reminding us, you're enough. You don't have to perform. I love you as much as I possibly could. Yeah, I know you messed up. I forgave that already. Just sit still and be easy with me. He reminds us that we are a beloved child. We are a beloved child of the Father. He reminds us that we're good, that we're clothed in the righteousness of Christ and that we are enough. He reminds us that he has a plan for us. And in experiencing that, we're ready to go out and our cup is filled and we're ready to go out and pour out for others, but we are anchored in the knowledge that God loves me, that God invites me into his presence, that it doesn't matter where I've been, that he always is waiting on me like the father of the prodigal son, anxious for my return, that he is always seeking after me, that he is relentlessly pursuing me with his spirit. And when I sit in his presence and allow myself to be caught and held, I am reminded that he loves me. So stillness before the Father anchors us in the knowledge of his love. It settles our hearts when we are anxious about things. It reminds us of his sovereignty and it tunes our heart with his heart, and aligns our will with his will, and allows us to walk as we are called to walk. I would tell you that I believe it is fundamentally impossible. See what I'm talking about? I mean, they're everywhere. It is fundamentally impossible to flourish in our Christian life if we do not choose stillness. If this is the closest semblance to stillness you get every week, worship and my sermons, and then until next Sunday, you can't possibly flourish in your Christian life. And I'm not saying that to convict anybody, make anybody feel bad about the noise and the clutter that exists in all of our lives. I'm just saying that as a friend and a Christian. How can we possibly grow if we don't seek out stillness, if we don't intentionally choose it, if we don't invite God into that space with us? And then here's the thing, and I love this point that Alan Morgan made in his devotional this week. God creates a stillness and invites us into that stillness because he's waiting on us there. He is waiting to meet us there. He's waiting for us to slow down and to settle down and to calm down and to put everything else away in a stillness that he created, that he invites us into, in which his presence is waiting on us. And unless we allow ourselves to sit in that presence and be tuned and be settled and be anchored, how could we possibly expect to flourish and grow in our love for the Father and in our experience as Christians. So this morning, Grace, I just want to press on us to choose that. And normally, when I press on something, I kind of finish a sermon and I say, so this week, focus on blank. But I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna say, so this week, Grace, let's focus on stillness. I'm gonna say, so for the rest of your lives, all right, as long as you've taken in air, make this a priority. Not this week. Not today. Forever. Make this a priority. And choose stillness. And sit with God. And be comfortable in silence and just sit there and invite him in. So I'm gonna pray and we're gonna sing and worship together. As we worship and as we sing, I wanna invite you to do whatever feels most appropriate to you. Stand and sing if you want to sing. Kneel and pray if you want to do that. Sit in silence and invite God into that moment. And then at the end of the song, we're going to have a chance to be still together before we launch back into our weeks and all the things waiting for us outside those doors. Let's take a minute in worship and then in literal stillness to invite God into this space with us. Let's pray. Father, thank you for the way that you love us. Thank you for sending your son for us, to claim us, to die for us, to love us, to show us, to model for us, and your spirit to empower us. Father, we live such noisy lives. You cannot possibly be pleased by all the access to screens and information and distraction and diversion that we have that cannot possibly make you happy. So God, I pray that we would be people who choose stillness. That we would be people who identify and abhor distraction. And I pray for fresh life breathed into us this week by simply choosing to sit and wait on you in silence. Would you please do that for us, God? Would you meet us in the stillness that you've created for us and invited us into? It's in your son's name we ask these things. Amen.
